Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feeling really upset

15 replies

abitshakenup · 01/12/2013 12:44

Hi all,

I have NC for this - no idea where to post it so decided here was as good as anywhere!

Something happened earlier this week that seems to have upset me more than I thought and I just wanted some views/advice.

I was out jogging one night last week. It was dark. I had headphones in, but they were turned down very low so I could hear everything around me. I got to the top of my road and saw two men coming towards me - they were young, hoodie types.

I tried to move towards the road to get past them. One moved, the other didn't. As I tried to avoid him again, he reached out and grabbed both my breasts whilst saying something mocking. I shouted at him, he just mimicked what I had said.

I felt really quite shaken up so I called the police, who were lovely and took it very seriously. They said that if I saw him again I should call 999.

Anyway, since then I have been waking up repeatedly in the night full of anger. I have been punching pillows and getting myself worked up into a complete state.

I know it wasn't that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, but it has just made me feel so angry and violated. It was just a big joke to him.

Has anyone got any tips for getting through this? I never thought something like this would affect me as it has.

OP posts:
Lweji · 01/12/2013 12:50

What you are feeling is normal. You were violated and got no closure.

There wasn't much you could do, really, particularly with the shock of it all.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/12/2013 14:20

Clearly your reaction is one of frustration and anger at not having the opportunity to kick these bastards in the bollocks at the time. I think it's a very normal stress response to a traumatic event. Did the police offer you any victim support? Do you have friends or family you could talk this through with?

wordyBird · 01/12/2013 14:33

The rage is normal. The level of upset is also normal, so please don't feel you're overreacting.
It's only a few days since the assault. It will all seem pretty raw still. Try to talk it out with someone, and allow yourself time to recover.

Tabby1963 · 01/12/2013 14:54

Op, pop on to youtube and search for "relaxation tips to reduce anxiety and anger". There is loads of techniques to choose from, for example, "How to calm down in 10 seconds". Good luck.

MrsMoon76 · 01/12/2013 15:26

That's just horrible - I'm so sorry that happened and glad the police were helpful. You were assaulted and have every reason to feel upset, frustrated and angry. As someone who has been mugged (twice) and victim of sexual assault I can understand how bad you can feel.

Would you recognise him again? it would be great to be able to get some closure by being able to call the police if you saw him again?

Putitonthelist · 01/12/2013 15:31

Of course it's a big deal OP, you were assaulted. So sorry that you've been through such a horrible ordeal Flowers

FlatsInDagenham · 01/12/2013 15:42

You poor thing. How awful.

I've had the same thing happen to me, and I can totally relate to your comment that it's all just a big joke to him. The bloke who did this to me probably doesn't even remember it.

Rest assured that these people are very very sad individuals, with no self respect (hence their inability to respect others) and really not worth you expending so much negative energy on.

I do realise this is easier said than done.

Original poster
abitshakenup · 01/12/2013 21:15

Thank you all, I really appreciate your different perspectives on this and sharing your experiences.

I think you are probably right - I need to acknowledge that this has upset me more than I would like and give myself some space to heal. I can work from home and may do that a couple of days this week - just to give myself a bit of space.

MrsMoon - he was wearing a very distinctive jacket, so if I see him again I am definitely ringing police. I would just be happy to have him arrested, spend some time in custody and think about how it isn't acceptable for him to behave that way.

Thanks again Thanks

OP posts:
Cutitup · 01/12/2013 21:20

I had a similar thing happen to me. I was walking in Leicester Square and a guy put his hand up my skirt and groped me around my vagina and ass. It was horrible but happened in a second and he was gone.

I just felt so violated. He was just gone like a flash. I still can't forget it.

something2say · 01/12/2013 21:21

Aww poor you. Yes definitely take your time processing that one, and integrating the way you now see things xx so sorry, massive hugs. I'll chuck a few pillows with you too x

something2say · 01/12/2013 21:23

I had it happen to me in India. A man in a crowd in a temple stuck his hand between my bum cheeks and under and had a good feel and then was gone in the crowd.

springytickle · 02/12/2013 00:49

Not only did he assault you but he made you feel powerless - both those things are alarming, it's not surprising it has had quite an effect on you. I was a victim of a prolonged road rage incident and it really shook me up - like you, I was surprised it had such an effect on me. At the time I felt powerless and very frightened, but I wasn't physically, or sexually assaulted. You had both.

I think it can be frightening and disorientating when we encounter inhumane behaviour, particularly if it is directed at us personally. He was ignorant/inhumane enough to do it in the first place, and also didn't reacte appropriately to your outrage. He could have been out of it on something? Im not excusing him and what he did. How did his friend reacte?

Original poster
abitshakenup · 02/12/2013 16:13

Thanks all. I am so sorry that this is so prevalent - who do these people think they are? Springy - I don't think he was out of it on anything. I just think he has so little respect for women that he thinks it's OK.

I took today off work to give myself a bit of time. Just pottered around cleaning. I'm going to be nice to myself for the next few weeks.

I am supposed to be going out tonight, but that will mean walking back from the train station in the dark, near where it happened. I am completely torn between not going and just doing comforting things at home, or going out and facing being out in the dark again.

OP posts:
Lweji · 02/12/2013 16:25

I understand your point of view, but if you don't go you will give him power over you.
The best way to feel empowered is to have your normal life, regardless of what happened.

Because of what happened you'll probably feel more alert and there could be a number of small things that might mean you'd be safer, but whatever you do, yes, it could happen again.
But, it could happen at work (a colleague once tried to kiss me with no warning), or in your home, in the pub. Anywhere, really.
Obviously not trying to scare you, but just trying to point out that it wasn't the going about at night.

something2say · 02/12/2013 21:09

Just to balance it out, I think it would be ok to stay in too, in the warm, and let some time go by till you feel better x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page