Please help me get some perspective.

[atosilis]

My husband does not like me going to see friends, he makes a fuss and says that he is left on his own. I rarely see friends now, I have no local friends and have to travel to see them. I can't 'pop in' on anyone and meetups have to be arranged in advance.

Today I went to have my birthday lunch with my sister in . On the way there, I thought I would contact a male friend who lives in the city and see if he was free for a drink before I came home. OH has met this friend, who I've known through a female friend for 6 years. Absolutely no attraction between us but we get on very well.

Friend said it would be lovely to catch up so we arranged a time. My sister was there when we met and I introduced them. Friend and I went for a drink, during which time my husband rang and said, "Where are you?". I said, "Just having a drink with Fred and I'll be leaving in 10 minutes".
He went mad.

Friend was a bit upset at my obvious shock and we left straight away, I got the train home.

I have had accusations of meeting up with strange men. I pointed out that Fred wasn't a stranger to either of us. He has accused me of lying, cheating, scheming, he doesn't trust me to go out again.

I am aware that I am too nervous recently to even suggest meeting up with friends as it isn't worth the fuss and arguments. By seeing Fred today, on the off chance, it does come across as if I was scheming - but I wasn't. I just thought, "Oh, wonder if Fred is free for a drink". I said where I was, I didn't lie and came straight home.

I'm stuck at home for ever now aren't I? I have sown a seed and everytime I go and see my sister, I will have the third degree.

I think rushing home when he called you - and actually even answering the mobile was a mistake.

You could have texted him to say you'll be a bit later than expected so not to worry, but that's it. What would he have done if you had said " yes dear, meeting Fred, that's right, about 10 then" and put the phone down on his rantings and turned it off?

Obviously I don't advocate the above if you are a known philanderer or have a dw/dh at home whom you treat baldly ( hurried disclaimer:)

You are not a dog that comes at a whistle!

has he always been like this, does he need to see a doctor and is he a lot older than you? Is it worth seeing a doctor about his change of behaviour to see if its a sign of onset of anything else?

You should be able to go out as and when. If he doesn't want to, fine, but you shouldn't feel a prisoner at home, and get the silent sulky treatment if you do go out.

Will he listen to you, his wife, and discuss rationally with an outcome that allows you to have a regular social life. I don't think anyone else needs to talk to him. Unless you mean counselling?

(hug) He is an abusive twat!

That really is no way to live. :(

"I am too nervous to even ask my husband if I can come."

^ You are an adult, you DO NOT need his permission to do anything. Nip this in the bud now op and stop pandering to this man!

So if you have adult children together I presume you have been together many years. Has it always been like this? Or has something changed?

Has this come on since he retired?

Is he depressed? If so he needs to get to a GP.

TBH I would suggest a trial separation, that is absolutely no way to live.