Lost my sexual mojo........I think??

[MonsterMunchMe]

I went a whole year being Single and having no sex.

It was hard! I have always had a really high sex drive and was always in long term relationships so had it on tap. Looking back the relationships were not healthy, bordering on abusive, but the passion and sex was incredible. My last relationship had a very bad break up with a traumatic sexual experience that turned violent. Hence the year of singledom, I've had councilling for this and have accepted it and it doesn't bother me any more.......or so I thought....

I have recently started dating a guy I've known for about 5 years, we were good friends, he is absolutely lovely, treats me so well, goes above and beyond really. I feel so comfortable with him, he makes me laugh, we have fun, he's caring, I get butterflies etc........ But here's the problem, we have had sex twice now, and I just feel so tense, and nervous and so flat he's so attentive and into me and wants to please me, he's also very gentle and considerate.

It really is nothing to do with him, I want to do it and am attracted to him. I just seem to freeze and not know what to do.

Has anyone experienced this?

I find the more I get the more I want. After a long term without it's not surprising it will take a little while to get back into it.

Maybe once you get to know each other better it will improve or maybe you just don't have chemistry. Some people can turn you on just by looking at you, so if you don't have that spark then maybe you should just move on, but don't write off your libido entirely.

Also given your history it's not surprising you find it difficult to relax into it.

Sadly the more he tries to please you, the more under pressure you'll feel to reward his efforts, so perhaps you need to find a way to take any end goal out of it for a while and just enjoy being together and finding out about each other.

Hi monster

I was in a very highly sexed relationship with a guy who I thought was my dream man. Looking back, it was more of a lust thing on his part and I got hurt really badly. I would do pretty much anything to please him including compromising my sexual self and did swinging.

A year later I fell in love with a friend. Totally different experience..,a loving attentive man that adored me and would never ask me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. Sex was a whole different ball game and many times I would just freeze and panic about what I was doing. That was 5 years ago but even now I have the odd wobble.

With my ex, sex was easy. I was an object to him, a sex toy. I would almost go on auto pilot and just perform to fulfil his needs, job done. When you're with someone who respects and loves you they want part of YOU and I think that can be hard after a rocky, sexually charged abusive relationship. I lost my total sense of self and when DP asked me what I wanted I didn't have a clue as is what I wanted before had never been addressed.

Take your time with him, let it just develop and grow. He sounds like he's got your best interests at heart and won't hurt you. Let go with him and try to relax. Good luck xx

Thank you for your replies.

We definitely have chemistry, it is genuinely me!

tomkat79 thank you for explaining what I couldn't!!! That is exactly how I feel, it was always like I was putting on a show for my exes I just used to get in the zone and not even think about myself. I feel so much better after reading your post thank you, but sorry you had to experience it too.

Aw no problem, glad to help.

Grab your new man and cherish him. I love my 'nice guy' with all my heart! x