am i over reacting?

[littlewind]

Could I have people's opinion please to whether I am wrong in thinking when your married and struggling you can turn to your DH for help?
My story is we have a lovely 8 month old son. But Before I was pregnant I didn't have a job and have struggled to get one since. So I am a stay at home mother and pretty much do everything with Ds. My DH doesn't't even sleep in the same bed because Ds wakes in the night. So I do night shifts. I also do all the house work. We live with relatives so rent and bills are very low.
Well to cut a long story short even though I haven't asked or even want him to I've been told by DH I'm not paying your bills like car insurance or mobile phone.
Would people be very upset that their DH would say that to them or am I over reacting? I was only talking about working and he comes out with that! I don't even want him to pay my bills!

Sorry didn't read see the bit about night shifts, have you got a job?

Why did he say he isn't paying your bills? In case you get a job or because he wants you to get one?

If you are married, there's no his or your money. Whatever he earns and you belong to both. As he'll find out if you divorce him. Maybe you should mention it.

No it's my relatives we live with. No not Asian parentage. That's the thing I manage to pay the phone and car insurance bill. I wasn't' even asking him to help me. It was just I thought when you where married you helped each other. It was just the way he said it.

Some people keep separate finances, some pool everything. We are of the pool everything school of thought & I couldn't be doing with the his & hers stuff especially as he seems to want everything & you are supporting him working by being a SAHM. Has he always been tight?

He is being spiteful & taking you for granted.

Any redeeming features?

Living I assume when she said 'night shifts' she meant up with the baby.

when i was home with DC, DH paid for my car in full. We didn't have mobiles at that time, but I'm pretty sure he would have covered that too. And, he did his fair share of cleaning on a weekend.

Give him a weekly bill for the care of your son then. Do you get child benefit?

You are right you should be a team in every way. He is very selfish.

He's never been open about his money and where it goes. To be honest I haven't got a clue what he does with it a part from I know it's very little he has to pay with bills and food. A part from he buys himself plenty of alcohol a week!

Yea we get child benefit.

It all sounds miserable for you - all the childcare and housework, no money, no home of your own... Is this how you want your life to be like?

Not really but I have got a wonderful son.

I'm just wondering what I've said that has meant my reply was deleted, Is ethnicity a no go area. I live in a 80% Asian neighbourhood, have done all my life, I'm white British, does that make me a racist for suggesting OP is Asian?

I live in the one of the most racially integrated/accepting part of the uk.

So what would need to happen to change things OP? Did you have your own home before you got together with your partner?

Saintlyjimjam yea he is tight most of the time.

It sounds like financial abuse.
Even if partners keep finances separate, money is the responsibility of both of you. If he has savings after the marriage, you are entitled to half of them. If he has debts, you are also responsible for half of them.
So, I'd want to know exactly what is happening with money in my marriage.
Or there would be no marriage.

He is financially abusive.

Tell him how much it would cost him to employ a full time nanny + housekeeper + secretary etc.

Presumably your rent is lower than commercial due to your family? So as well as caring for your son, you're contributing that.
Does he think you should be working but you're not trying hard enough?
I'd keep looking for work - find a job, then lose the husband. A bit flippant, but without all the facts, he sounds like a nob.

You don't help each other because it should all be in a pot and you pay the bills first and the rest is for you all to enjoy as a family. My husband did this as soon as we set a wedding date. He is a firm believer in supporting his wife and step kids. Financially and emotionally.