how do I...

[spacegirl81]

....get my DH to see that smacking our 2.6 ds is not an effective form of discipline.

Smack him and see if he stops it!

I'm sure there's tons of research out there on Google about the draw backs of smacking

Ask him what he thinks smacking will achieve.

Tell him smacking is just a way for an adult to vent their anger and frustration.

Tell him 2 year olds don't need discipline, they need love and consistancy and firm boundaries, but not discipline.

Ask him why he thinks it is acceptable to physically harm a person just because they are young?

Smacking simply does not work as a form of discipline.

Leave him and take dc with you. Only return if he agrees never to smack?

Extreme but I feel very strongly that smacking is wrong and would personally not be able to stay with anyone who laid a finger on my dc, smack tap or otherwise.

I know I feel like I go round and round in circles. He says he needs to learn to listen and do as hes told. I am a sahm so do most of the discipline and he does push boundaries but isnt that what toddlers are supposes to do? and then we firmly reinforce them. I just get told you do it your way and ill do it mine, but I feel we should be doing it together. He smacks or threatens a smack for pretty much every type of naughtiness, challenging, mischievous behaviour! when I say hes only a toddler he says I am using it as an excuse. Of course I want well behaved children, but I think there are others ways.

I have an 18 month old and a 10 year old. Neither have ever been smacked and they are very well behaved.

Toddlers are challenging at the best of times but mostly use distraction and positive parenting rather than punishing and things work out fine... does your dh know how to do these things?

He sounds like an absolute bully. :( I feel really sad for your little one.

I should point out that in every other sense he is a fantastic dad, plays with the boys ds1 is 2.6, ds2 is just over 1. he plays with them, bakes with Ds1, goes to park, baths them and helps put them to bed etc etc its just the rationale behind his discipline I dont understand.

Op ....remember a toddler will just mirror behaviour and is likely to smack other children in nursery/social situations....try telling him that's naughty when his own dad does it. I would find parenting without a united front and support very challenging and it sounds like you are.
I would be horrified if my dp threatened to smack my toddler let alone actually did it

Sit him down and tell him you need a serious talk Good luck

This may be useful to show him ...
www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents/positive-parenting-tips/encouraging-better-behaviour/better-behaviour_wda96810.html

One of our main challenges with ds1 is that he sometimes hits/pushes/grabs ds2. sometimes because he has a toy he wants and other times no reason at all. this is very challenging to deal with. I have tried positive praise when he plays nicely, distraction, removal of toys, and time out. he is getting better.

he goes to playgroup twice a week and doesnt do it there, theyve never had to use time out with him there.

whenever I try and talk about it I get told if I sorted him (ds1) out in the week he wouldnt have to smack him

Thanks for the support and advice.

anyone else?

I don't think you need any one else. It has all been said.

Your son is being hit by someone bigger than him so he is hitting someone smaller than him.

In order for discipline to work you both need to be on the same page. From what you have said, your dh is not prepared to do this.

I also dont agree with smacking. Your child will believe smacking is acceptable. Even if he is hit for hitting.
Smacking, does not work.
You sound like you are doing things right. And you are right, at that age they do push - it is normal.

It is against the law now, isnt it? (Sorry if im wrong).
I agree with the pp who said it is a way of venting the adults frustration.

I hope you manage to come to a compromise of some sort with your dh