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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

inappropriate fling with inappropriate man.

18 replies

idiotin2013 · 29/11/2013 20:40

Name changed!

I have been an idiot - so so stupid that I think my brain might be broken.

I had a fling with someone I shouldn't have, he's single and I was very recently separated at the time (I think my marriage break down affected my judgement) and TBH the actual fling part of things ended a while ago but his behaviour has people joking about us, all fun and games but the joking is full of embarrassing truths that would result in some great gossip and difficult explanations if it was properly discovered!

I want to move on and pretend this year didn't happen but I see the fling man every day (not a co-worker though) I'm still very a little bit sexually attracted to him and every day he stares at me and acts like a teenage boy whenever I'm around him and people continue to talk and laugh about how "cute" he is. It's not cute, I'm fairly sure he's acting this way on purpose.

How are you supposed to move on and kill something like this?

OP posts:

Charcoalbriquettes · 29/11/2013 20:43

In what way is he inappropriate? It sounds like he is just indiscreet.

lizzzyyliveson · 29/11/2013 20:47

Do you still want to be with him? Forget about other people and go for what you want. I 'lost' a bloke at uni once because he was too concerned about his friends' opinion of me and it still rankles. You won't always know these people who would laugh and say things but you could be together with your sexy guy.

Vivacia · 29/11/2013 20:49

Why is it inappropriate? Are you just worried about what other people might think?

Original poster

idiotin2013 · 29/11/2013 20:53

The fling fizzled out, he's still flirty, we send occasional flirty messages, there is still eye contact and longing looks, but I'm quite sure its just a mutual ego boost at this point. I think I scare him actually.

Not entirely inappropriate, but there is a professional relationship that shouldn't be crossed for some good reasons.

OP posts:

Charcoalbriquettes · 29/11/2013 20:55

Well to answer your question, you move on by going no contact.

Twinklestein · 29/11/2013 20:58

Well sod it, you've done it now. Do you actually want to stop?

IslaValargeone · 29/11/2013 21:00

Don't engage, don't meet with the flirty eye contact.

Original poster

idiotin2013 · 29/11/2013 21:03

If I didn't want to slam him against the nearest wall and remove his clothes quite as badly as I do, I wouldn't mind it continuing, but all this is doing is creating a lot of unresolvable sexual tension for me

Tried no contact. We're barely in contact anyway, and the contact we have during the day is something I can't get out of.

OP posts:

Original poster

idiotin2013 · 29/11/2013 21:06

When I tried not engaging, the rumours just changed direction - we'd obviously broken up and wasn't it "cute"! Feels not to dissimilar to being in a school playground!

OP posts:

Twinklestein · 29/11/2013 21:10

If slam him against a wall a bit more you might lost interest naturally...

Work will gossip either way, so you might as well be hung for sheep as a lamb.

(I don't know why I'm not telling you to be sensible. Sorry )

nopanicandverylittleanxiety · 29/11/2013 21:58

if you are both single then have fun

blueshoes · 29/11/2013 22:56

Yeah, what's stopping you. In for the penny, in for the pound.

Original poster

idiotin2013 · 30/11/2013 00:58

It doesn't move past the looking at each. It is very tedious, the rumour mill is having more fun than I am!

OP posts:

Original poster

idiotin2013 · 30/11/2013 00:59

missing words out all over the place - looking past each other!

OP posts:

FluffyJumper · 30/11/2013 01:41

Professional relationship?

Hmmm, that could mean anything.

Are you doing something professionally very wrong, or is it just a bit embarrassing?

Go on some online dates with men in another town and take your mind off him.

sadwidow28 · 30/11/2013 02:42

Not entirely inappropriate, but there is a professional relationship that shouldn't be crossed for some good reasons.

That statement is contradictory. But if there is a professional relationship that shouldn't be crossed then DO NOT CROSS IT AGAIN.

notnagging · 30/11/2013 04:23

I'm sorry op, I fail to see what the problem is. Your both single and like each other but your worried about other peoples opinions? I thought you were both married or he was your boss or something. The gossips are not part of your relationship. Their opinion shouldn't be part of it.

blueshoes · 30/11/2013 17:12

What are the good reasons for not crossing a professional relationship? People meet their future spouses at work all the time - not saying he is your future husband but why isn't it worth a shot?

One of you could change jobs down the line, if need be. Otherwise most workplaces recognise these things happen. Are there any rules against fraternisation (so old fashioned) in your office?

Flip