not sure what to do.

[YOUCANBEMYFRIENDIFYOUBUYMECAKE]

you have tried so hard to make a marriage work
you believe that marriage should work
but the other person isn't willing to participate in counselling
I feel like he is checking out because he is so stressed and angry
he is not sleeping much but he won't tell me what's going on.
I need a hand hold despite real life support it's him that has to make things work and I just don't know where to go from here.

What is he stressed and angry about?

work I think. just can tell because of his behaviour

How long have you been married for?

since I was very young.
I want to fight for this but I feel I am more fighting with him than the marriage because he won't face up to his anger/stress issues.It's always my problem. Had bloody enough of the blame now.

You can't make someone like you if they don't. You can't make them care or act reasonably or be kind if they'd rather act otherwise. Stress and anger about work (or anything else) should be articulated so that partners can try to be supportive but a) it is his responsibility to resolve the problem and b) it is not acceptable to use that stress and anger to make those around him miserable.

If you really want to stay married you have to draw a line in the sand. Currently nothing bad happens however he behaves. Tell him that the consequences of no change in his behaviour are that the marriage is over and then be prepared to follow through

What Cogito said.

And as others often point out here, are you sure it's work? It looks like he's detached emotionally. It could be someone else the reason for his behaviour.

Regardless of the reason, all you can do is to let go. No point in chasing someone who doesn't want to be there or doesn't love you enough.

You can't really go anywhere with it, its up to him now.

Do you believe its work causing it?

It takes two to make a marriage work, but it only takes one to make it fail.

You can't save this on your own.

thank you every one for your responses. I have had such bad experience on line forums before wasn't sure whether to post or not.
I agree he has detached emotionally.
I spoke to an rl friend this morning. She was helpful and I will also take her advice.
I don't think there is someone else, it takes a lot of effort for anyone to get 'close' to him let alone in that way :/
I have been lurking alot on here though and it's helpful to know the signs and how to react if there was a situation.