need some handholding please :(

[honey86]

or some sense slapped into me.
those who know me on here know everything that went on between me and my ex (ds's dad). after he went quiet since the last incident, and hadnt contacted me, i decided to let him meet ds supervised in a public place.
weve been talking through someone neutral.

ive since discovered that just a week after we split he went shagging about and getting pissed. he bragged to ppl about how he reported me to social services. smeared across facebook that me n my family hurt my kids, called me names via facebook status, showed no remorse for any hurt hes caused, made no more efforts to sort this mess out then on the day i gave birth he had sex and started a new relationship. when i was in labour. and announced it on facebook.

now hes saying on the day we agreed it has to be in a place with cctv in case i 'try anything' or 'accuse him of something'. he says ive lied about him, he 'can prove it 'and is making it all out to be my fault, that im the bad guy here.

im in pieces. i feel like a mug for still not having got over him completely. but hes been so horrible n cold towards me since the row where we split up. hes done n said so much to hurt me, my kids and my family emotionally, why am i the bad one in all of this. i wasnt a perfect girlfriend but i never wanted any of this.

i cant believe he could be so cruel :'(

He sounds abusive and you need to talk to the experts, Women's Aid, for the sake of you and your ds. They have a national helpline or you can call your local office. They will give brilliant advice on dealing with him, protecting your son, and how to deal with how he makes you feel. You might also want to look at their website www.womensaid.org.uk, you'll realise you're not the first to feel like a mug!! Take care.

I hope you're reconsidering the idea of DS having contact? He sounds beyond cruel and positively unhinged.

He sounds like a first class twunt but I don't think it means (just from what's included) that he can't be a good father. As long as he's no danger to your child then they both have a right to have a relationship.

I know that will sting as he's treated you so so badly but unfortunately as you chose to have a child with him, you are stuck with him.
It doesn't mean he can take over your life though. If it were me I'd remove my FB page and tell friends you don't want to hear random crap about his posts, then get a formal arrangement in place for visitations so you don't have if hanging over you.

Don't let him take any more of your strength. He sounds horrid to you but ignore that and just concentrate on how he is with your DS or you will drive yourself crazy. You know he's an arse so draw a line under it now and build yourself up. He's the one who's missing out!

theres wayyy more to it, his behaviour when we were together could be seen as sociopathic, he was very controlling and angry and was vicious if things didnt go his way. emotionally abusive.

but like u said its my sons dad, and however much hes hurting me i owe it to my son to give ex the opportunity to try. but right now its me thats doing all the trying. i gave him a time, date, place and names of those attending (neutral witness so its supervised) and hes starting to make rules for it- changing the venue to a place of his choice under his terms. if i dont agree hes hinting that he wont turn up, so i feel like im having to bend over backwards for the sake of my son meeting his dad.

my family worker said shes concerned hes manipulating me cos he knows that after my older kids tragically losing their dad, i want a dad about for ds so much and im scared to go 'thats his loss' and let ex walk away if he wants.

he does seem to want to see him, but he also behaves like hes trying to sabatage my efforts by making as much demands as poss and trying his best to upset me alot. he could possibly be trying to get a reaction from me so he can blame me for not turning up. im trying so hard not to let it get to me so hes got no excuse to not turn up, but im getting so tearful and depressed. hes flaunting this new gf about and being hostile to me. it hurts so much.

im nervewracked about it all but at 3 weeks old im not ready to leave ds with anyone without me there (im breastfeeding too and da cluster feeds) its just all such a mess