S&m, violence, on stage... ***Not personal***

[GrinningImp]

Hope this is the right place for this one. Not personal, more for discussion.

I went to see Bluebeard last week at the Soho theatre and it won't get out of my head. Basically, modern day version, an hour of a man (it's written by a woman) telling us about his seductions of 3 different women into extreme S&M: an innocent, a divorcee and a woman he falls in love with.

I won't spoil the end in case you want to go (is on til Sunday, just an hour long), but if anyone's interested in a discussion, I don't have answers, just fancy exploring:

• s&m or BDSM are a legit choice and don't necessarily / usually = danger
• BUT do we ever know who we are getting into bed (or life?!) with?
• TV is often criticised for depiction of violence against women, and this is a whole legend/ myth/ play about it, but isn't it important to air taboos, esp when it comes to smashing "daisies and fairies" notions about what women want in bed?

Sorry if it's the wrong place for this, but as a 40 something with my own fair share of Experiences I'd Rather Put In A Box, I needed someplace to chat about it (single mum, went on my tod, needed women to talk about it with!)

Thanks!!
Ps soho theatre, if you're interested, think it's on til Sunday night

I think getting into bed with anyone requires a huge amount of trust and whatever happens in a sexual context has to be fully consensual at all times. The problem with any kind of violence is not that it goes against 'daisies and fairies' or is taboo, but that it blurs the boundaries of consent and is very easily exploited and escalated. Abusive relationships featuring coercion are distressingly common and a big feature is the ability of abusers to convince their victims that they are choosing to be coerced. We would probably not agree to the same kind of behaviour in any other walk of life.

I'm completely with you, CES. Was interesting to watch how I felt about the show in that light, esp as I have / did have teen step daughters. We women don't always agree with each others' choices or even believe they are really "choices". I'd rather see this stuff on stage than it be censored, but started to think I'd like to see it from women's POVs... Thanks for replying!!

Of course censorship is unhealthy. I'm not sure how the play panned out. Was there any element of questioning the victim/voluntary status of the women? Was Bluebeard portrayed as a victim at all? I'd rather hope not, seeing as it was written by a woman. Abusive relationships make excellent subjects for psychological thrillers.