on mumsnet for the first time

[lifestory]

and I thought it was only me, life a mess from beginning to end! not wanted from birth, mothers favourite daughter dying young of leukaemia, mother dies of broken heart, me abandoned, ending up at approved school. homeless, penniless, alone at 15.somehow, picking myself up, finding a mentor, and ending up a successful business woman. step son meets my daughter, his betrayal almost ends her life. other stepson's wife has affair with my other daughters husband. other daughter marries totally narcisstistic DV abuser, she ends up bankrupt,(she was a lawyer) after years of physical/financial and emotional abuse. son (20)met (caught)by older divorced unemployed woman, becomes pregnant immediately , seeing my property and business was looking for a meal ticket, omg, just a brief picture of the last 67 years! going for a walk on the beach this morning(south coast),so many events spinning round my head!

Sounds like there's a book deal in it :) An interesting life rarely comes without a few problems along the way. Your DCs have had a few tough times but that's also normal and not really something you could have influenced or prevented. The older divorced woman may see you as a meal ticket but she's going to get a rude shock and your DS was old enough to know about contraception.

Do you feel responsible for all these people still?

Welcome to Mumsnet..

That's a lot life, do you want to talk in detail about any specific parts?

It doesn't sound like a messed up life to me, with a good career & children. If your children haven't always made the best decisions then remember that their journey is theirs alone, as is yours & they make their choices as free independent adults. You could never had made those decisions for them & chosen better ones :)

The non favourite child comes up a lot in this board & there's an excellent thread called 'But We Took You to Stately Homes' that deals with dysfunctional families. Explore it perhaps.

Children aside, how are you feeling generally?

thank you for your replies, it helps to put these last decades into perspective! occasionally I think I could have influenced more, but yes, I couldn't have changed the decisions others made! betrayal, theft, lies, manipulation, and emotional blackmail, was all around me for decades. I felt like a spinning top standing in the middle of all those around me. yet, I am still standing, and feel calm and peaceful. I always told myself that as long as I behaved decently and did my best, I couldn't feel guilty about all the massive events that wove itself into my own life. I guess, the moral here is to be honest and decent, but one thing is that I didn't protect myself enough!i even feel stronger simply writing this down. thank you anyone for reading this. x

You're probably being a little harsh on yourself. You may not have protected yourself adequately but no-one has a crystal ball. We're all at the mercy of events from time to time and the main thing is that you're still standing. If it helps to write it down, keep writing. :) We're just faceless Mumsnet 'vipers' but we're good listeners...

thank you, can't believe I didn't find mumsnet before! sometimes I compare my dramas to world events, tsunami's and earthquakes and the suffering they endure, and think, hey mine wasn't so bad, at least I have got my health and nowadays I've got calm!haha, if I had a crystal ball I think I probably would run away and found a cave to hide in!

That's a similar perspective to mine. :)

You can't control what other people do and can only do what you think it's best at the time. Yes, we may have regrets, but it's all part of living and learning in the process, and there's no point in beating ourselves or to keep enduring something that is damaging us.

Stick around. We may also well benefit from your experience. :)

thank you again, for so many helpful replies. yes, learning and living, how true is that. fortunately, when I was literally in the gutter, when I was in dire poverty, I couldn't have believed that simply by using my brain, and accepting the opportunities that lay in front of me, I could rebuild my life. i had a cook many years ago, she said to me, "you are so clever, I haven't got any gifts"i explained how wrong she was, she had the gift of loving/caring people skills, everyone loved her, plus she was an excellent cook.like the song goes, "search for the hero inside yourself!" there is one for us all. omg, I sound like a preacher now haha.

I have had a similarly 'interesting' life... erm, life.

I don't have much to say because I am often struck dumb with some of the things that go on.. well done for getting it out, it's not easy to speak when it's at a pitch.

Well done for making lemonade out of lemons, you star . Our kids may break out heart (in a way no other could) but don't forget to hurt about your kids. sounds barmy I know, but the 'dumb' and the shock can quarterise our emotions in a way that isn't helpful in the long run. You very probably couldn't have done anything to prevent your kids choosing their various paths, so oink out that guilt, it doesn't belong to you. (just saying. Us mothers tend to feel responsible, when we often aren't)

As for learning and living - I've learnt enough, thanks

oh yes, speechless/struck dumb, ain't the words! funny, but I spent decades raising myself up from the gutter, and providing a easier life for my children. but it was "outsiders" who dripped the poison, drop by drop .but , hey, still walking tall, (well only 5ft, but think I am 6!)
mind you, walking in other people's shoes is another experience!

If you once had a cook you must be or have been rich! I've never had a cook, not even a chambermaid...
Taking your advice I've been searching for 'the hero inside myself', but been forced to conclude there's just nothing there, I'm afraid. Reminds me of belief in God.

With all the thoughts you have spinning around in your head you should do what I might do shortly, even tomorrow... start blogging (for free) with Wordpress or somewhere! You might find it therapeutic or somehow satisfying to get it all out there in print. Maybe you might even get 'followers' or comments at least. The whole world will be able to read about you. What a though, eh?
I'm making a new start (for the 100th time!) so maybe if I record it in writing on the internet I'll somehow succeed this time!

Money isn't everything, though. When I had it I was in the depths of misery - not because of the money, but the person I married who had a lot of it.

Mind, I wouldn't say no to the money and the peaceful life. I would accept relatively peaceful, even

As has been said: Quite right, money isn't everything, but it helps to make you feel nice and comfy while you're busy being miserable.

Precious - yes, I leave major chunks of the story out - because I wouldn't be believed (most of them are waaaay out of people's experience and comprehension: you'd be spending ages explaining it all - and grappling with general disbelief, suspicion...), and also because I cba: too wearisome. I even cba to tell my therapist all the stories - too many stories, it would take too long (she said in our last session 'It must be horrible to be in your life right now' - and I thought 'right now?? Try ALL MY LIFE'). I often think I'll leave this vast wasteland of stories, take them off like a coat - whose are they? search me! - and go off and enjoy myself. I'm alive - despite all - not mad, not addicted to much ; my body works, my brain works, I live in the west.... there's a lot I'm very glad I have.

I do have a faith, actually, which is a stunning comfort - surprised by joy. I got there because there was nowhere else to go.

(sorry for dominating btw )

oh yes, there are definitely "large chunks" that I put in a back compartment of my mind, sometimes because I think to myself, why did I let it happen, then having a stern talk to myself that it wasn't "let " to happen, when other people act in a way, that I can't change it myself. only my own behaviour is within my behaviour, easier said than done!!haha, yes, longing for a "dull history" too.
no, the cook was for a business that amazingly I employed ,once the many steps from the gutter had been achieved!and no, I didn't marry a rich man, not only that I didn't find one, but didn't want one anyway, as I would have hated the control money might bring.my goodness, if I blogged, I would have to change names, to actually protect the "guilty", not many innocents needing protection! what an amazing expression "take them off like a coat", I can just visualise it all.
oh yes, today I have blue skies, calm but winters chill, so another beachside walk, and marvel at the changing colours of the sea. then back to reality and Christmas shopping!

Yes indeed, that is spme life story!!!Delighted to read that youvare still standing b7t have yOur health and have calm and tranquility. Congratulations too on having petspevtive. 4 years ago I had abrain tumour removed and ended up spending a couple of months in a hospital for people with brain imjuries. A couple of days afyer arriving there was the Haiti tragedy and I was very awate that my albeit restricted environment was safe both indoors and oitdoors and that we were washing in and flushing our toilets in drinking water.I am typing on a very disobedient ipaf. Its wilfullness drives me nuts. Sorry!Tumour was benignas wete the 2 breast lumps I had temobed in June. i wish all a restful and happy weekend.This has been my first post but I have been lurking for avwhile in utter gobsmackedness at what so many of you are putting up with, trying to change, or learning to come to terms with.