stbxh and seeing the children

[Stillcomingtoterms]

Just looking for some advice.
I split up with dh just 2 weeks ago. The agreement was he would have the dc Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday day until 4ish. But dd doesn't want to stay over there. She said she wants to be at home for the weekend. So dh has said he will drop them both home on Saturday morning.
What's the right thing to do? Part of me thinks fine, it will mean less time to myself but if it makes Dd happy, then fine. Then the other part of me thinks she should stay with him and if she's bored its his job to entertain her. Dh said its because she doesn't feel at home there but I feel he should be making it feel like home for her. On the other hand I don't want to force dd to stay there if she doesn't want to either.

Any advice appreciated.

How old is DD?

Depends on age. If she is under 10 she should probably learn to be bored. If she is 16 it should be her own choice. Either way it has only been two weeks, really not the right time for setting down hard and fast rules and the children should have a say too even if you don't get time off. Also they need adjustment time too, their dad has just moved out and their world turned upside down, not to mention the break up period was most likely quite traumatic for them. No time to yourself is really part and parcel of many people's experiences of single parenthood.

Has DD said what she actually does there, does dad do stuff with them or are they in front of the TV the whole time?

What does the other child want? The dad shouldn't drop them both back if one of them wants to remain with him...

If DD can voice her opinion, it should be heard, every time.
There's no sense in making her stay somewhere she's unhappy, that won't help her become happy there.

I have recently faced exactly this situation ( my kids are v early teens)

We decided that we would insist the kids were with us 50:50 and after initial grumbling they adapted almost immediately .

I think they just didn't like the newness of his place to begin with. Once they got to choose their own bedding and stuff for their rooms at his place they were fine

It has only been two weeks. Of course she doesn't feel at home.

You could arrange for her to gradually spend more time there, until she feels used to it, or ask her to give it a trial period and then see if she still feels the same.

They do need to spend time with their dad. If he's a good father, both the children and him deserve that time together, and it would be a shame that they would only spend weeknights together.
On his part, he needs to make his home feel like her home. Perhaps she could take some of her things (toys, books, bed clothes) or have a say in the decoration, bedding, etc.

IME, I have enrolled DS in activities that he wasn't keen at first, but then loved them. He's also gone through short phases of not wanting to go to school and he is a child who is happy in school.

You don't have to force her, but I do think you should work on convincing her.

well put Lweji

Was about to post exactly what Lweji said.