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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Slept with my ex

8 replies

bedhead2008 · 27/11/2013 19:49

Ex and I split 2 years ago, we were only together for 6 months. No dc of our own, but we each have dc from previous rships.

We have had contact on and off since our split, we have both dated other people but in between this have remained close. He wanted to get back together a while ago but for various reasons I said no. He began seeing someone else, contact stopped again.

He then got back in touch last month. They'd split, I was single and we began talking again. 2 weeks ago, I went to his and we slept together. I really like him, but I can't tell how he feels and have always felt 'messed around' by him even when we were in a rship. I can't tell if this is due to my own insecurities or if he just isn't that 'into' me (he'd always assure me he was but I felt his actions didn't reflect that).

Anyway since sleeping together, he's text every few days, just general 'how are you', couple more texts then nothing for a few more days. No more mention of meeting. Although I'm on contraception, I needed to take the morning after pill, he didn't contact me on the day I had to take it, instead I got a text 2 days later asking how I was.

I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess I want to know how I can tell if he's genuinely interested and it's my insecurities making me think otherwise or if my instinct is right. If I asked him, I know he'd just say he was interested but continue as he is.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/11/2013 20:42

Best way to find out is to drop contact. Currently, I'm sorry to say, you sound like his fall-back when he's between girlfriends. If you hear nothing, he's probably not worth it.

Onmyown3 · 27/11/2013 21:57

I agree, completely back off. Let him do all the chasing. Be distant, don't respond to him straight away, don't always be available.

How has he reacted when you have dated or been in other relationships?

Good luck x

bedhead2008 · 27/11/2013 22:13

He will chase me and then when I respond he seems to text every few days again. He hasn't asked much about my dating, he was really trying to get back together a few months ago and saying he wanted to commit but I couldn't at the time. I thought if it's meant to be, it will and he came back. Arrrgh it's so hard!

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/11/2013 22:16

If you want to get back with this man be mature about it and tell him straight rather than being his booty-call and then sitting by the phone for the next dog whistle text. If you don't want to get back with him, drop all contact and make other plans for your life. Your future is entirely in your hands....

OneMoreChap · 28/11/2013 10:26

TBH, many, many years ago I used to sleep with an ex.

She was being "kind" and didn't mind having sex with me at all, but didn't want a relationship. She stopped, when she saw how attached I still was, as she said it was hurting me.

Hated her at the time, but she was genuinely kind. So if you don't want NSA sex, or if that's alll he wants, sack him.

humphryscorner · 28/11/2013 10:30

I had a ex like that. He only wanted me when I was with somebody. When I was free and we hooked up, the novelty wore off. He returned in to bring an ignorant twat.

Move on and find some one that adores you.

Jan45 · 28/11/2013 12:15

As Cog says.

hellsbellsmelons · 28/11/2013 16:36

Why did you split the first time?
What has changed since then?
I think it sounds like you are flogging a dead horse.
Be up front. Tell him what you want. His reaction will tell you all you need to know!

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