Its not me it's him is quite a liberating idea..

[IdontwantcockaleekyIwantcress]

I am slowly coming to the conclusion that it's not me it's him.

And it's liberating. I feel like I've got myself back again. Trusting my instincts rather than pushing them down.

The amount of analysis and self flagellation I do to change my way of looking at things to suit him.

I am finding a real sense of freedom from knowing that I don't need anyone else in order to be happy and if I am unhappy with aspects I should be free to tell him.

For months I tried to change my discomfort about his lack of appropriate boundaries with female friends, telling me after parties that he 'couldn't stop looking at this woman's long legs all night'. etc

Facebook messaging an ex with lots of kisses and love you always's.

Talking about sexual things online with one of his friends.

Watching live cam porn when I'm there.

Not acceptable (to me).

He has completely changed because I've told him I don't find these things very helpful to our RL but I'm finding my voice and feeling far less like I need him.

And not hardening my heart, staying soft being able to say when I'm hurt by his actions.
Sorry.. just wanted to express how alive I feel since started accepting my self..

That's brilliant :) Long may it continue.

Thank you! just sick of acting through fear rather than love..

Well isn't he a delight?
Another post today with red flags flying around all over the place!
Get out.
RUN FOR THE HILLS.
THEY ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

He has changed his behaviour radically, but I am taking things very slowly.
I feel he shoukd have just known the conventions of a normal monogamous relationship but he hasn't had many at all, I think Im the first in a long time..
We'll see, we have a lot going for us esp.. Now Im having no nonsense!

Glad you're pulling on your Big Girl Assertive Pants. However, it can get irritating when you realise you're the only grown-up in the relationship, plus there's the potential for resentment & deception to creep in from the other party. Radical changes of behaviour rarely last. But good luck.

Thanks cogito, I think it will be fine now I've womaned up!

Well done but really, if you had to ASK him not to do all of those things...hasn't it majorly put you off of him?

Yes it has a little bit but we're all just learning aren't we, does anyone really come as a perfect package?

does anyone really come as a perfect package? No, but they do come in a doesn't-need-to-change-I-love-him-just-as-he-is package.

Further to the excellent advice offered by the above posters, OP, I just wanted to post and compliment you on your excellent name! Love the book and film!

Yes but that's what I have been railing against.. I came in to the RL with this rule about not changing people etc but I became really low in my self esteem because I pushed my thoughts and feelings down.

Instead I now say, if you want to be with me I can not accept x,y,z to which he responds by changing, because he wants us to work out.

It's works both ways, I get a lot of my own space because of my lifestyle, he does not so told me sensitively once that he needed a bit of solitude every now and again. I respected his need for this and we have carried on happier.

If he just accepted me as I was without trying to change something we may not be together now...

Thanks bigbrass!!!

So you are convinced you are the one to make him forget his dirty & disrespectful habits?

indeed!

He's a creep.

The fact that he's going to the trouble of being less obvious about it hasn't changed the reality.

I don't think porn is dirty, I just feel uncomfortable about it.. if a guys been single for many years of course he can enjoy relationships with women that have blurry boundaries because his loyalty lies no where in particular, I do feel like I've had to train him a bit in the conventions of a relationship with me.
Dont think it makes him a creep though, he's a top person.