And I know people on this board are usually pretty good at putting this stuff into context and giving advice and if all else fails hand holding.
I've posted on the Stately Homes threads a couple of times, my dad and I have a strained relationship. I think I was a bit of an inconvenience to him, he much preferred to spend time in his local than come home and see me while I was growing up. He "made up" for this by taking me on expensive outings every few months and buying me expensive gifts.
My parents separated when I was in my early teens and my mum met someone else. Dad was, on the surface, very supportive of mum but made snidey barbed comments to me about my step-dad. As we lived very far away at this point it was easy to deal with.
As time went on I began to see why him and mum had split up. He spent the vast majority of his time drinking and could be emotionally abusive. He would brag to his friends about how, at the age of 17, he could still make me cry with a few chosen words. I was usually present for these declarations.
I got engaged at 18 he showed little to no interest other than asking if the ring was more expensive than the one he bought my mother.
I got married three years later and he came to the wedding, got paralytic, made a twenty minute speech about himself, spent long periods of time monopolising my mum, trying to kiss her and mbeing rude to my step dad, came and draped himself across me when I was trying to speak to and say goodbye to my guests and eventually passed out in the bar and had to be carried out by two of my male cousins and the best man. The next day he denied all of this and has continued to, bar once asking me to delete his speech from the video.
As the years have gone on I've got better at dealing with the disappointment when he promises to visit and doesn't, since having my son I've learned not Toto trust his promises so as not to get my son's hopes up. One particular visit was cancelled half an hour before he was due to arrive (he's a seven hour train journey away) because he'd hurt his back so had gone home. Still the cheques arrive every Christmas and birthday that are meant to repair the damage caused by him being too drunk to know who I am when I call, taking no interest in my only grandchild (on one occasion I made plans to meet him and he asked who would babysit while I came over)
He's currently ill. He had a stroke last year but has continued to drink heavily and has become apathetic to life. Two weeks ago he fell and had to have a blood clot removed from his brain. Since then he's been in hospital and is now refusing to eat, drink, wash or get out of bed. The hospital have not been keeping me updated and I found out last night