It's my birthday today and it's been awful

[CatAmongThePigeons]

It's my birthday, DH lost his temper with DS1 this morning for not finishing his medicine and is now playing the blame game (I'm sorry but...). I woke up to DS1 sobbing unconsolably.

He said he's unhappy (but he's denying it now), I'm not happy. I'm sick of this.

I've not even had cards because of this.

I know it's not much but I've spent most of today crying because I can't do this any more. I can't pretend I'm happy.

I'm sorry it's been so shit - but this start of a new year for you may be the turning point - the moment where you start to change how unhappy you are. It may turn out to be a pretty significant birthday.

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday dear Caaaa-aaat,
Happy birthday to you!

Thank you for the birthday wishes and support, I am bawling at the kindness of strangers.

I'm off to bed to contemplate what's next and try to rest,so hopefully I can be more coherent and answer any Q's.

Thank you all so much. It means so much

I hope you have a restful night. I'm sorry your birthday was so very awful.

Another belated happy birthday.

Perhaps your present to yourself could be some headspace to think about what you want?

Do you know in your heart what you want to do?

Happy Birthday from me too!

Thank you again for all the birthday wishes, he apologised again this morning but I didn't accept it and now I feel I should have. It was only one day after all, but I had been looking forward to a nice day where I didn't have housework to do and I got a little treat and a rest.

My husband and I are so similar yet so different, we both have no true friends yet he is happy with just my company, I would rather have a wider group of friends and having him at home when he's not at work is suffocating. I'm a SAHM so I am at home a lot.

He thinks I'm like this through depression, true. Although I've not felt happy for a long time, I want breathing space, he won't give it to me. Taking the DC out is hit and miss, but when he does, it's expected -but not explicitly implied- that I do the housework.

He says he's worried about money but won't help me do anything with the financial side, I've asked/told/begged him but he won't. It's frustrating and so annoying. Excuses excuses!

Sorry, this has turned into a rant

If I were you, I'd go out and get myself a part-time evening job.
Just in a pub or something similar. You don't NEED his permission for this you know!?
From what you say, it sounds as though he is very controlling in a passive/aggressive way.
You need some independence so you can leave as and when you want to.

Did you get your cards and presents yesterday in the end?
I hope you got something nice.

And..... next time he takes out DC, don't do the housework. When he asks what you have done you can tell him that you have had some 'ME' time! Which you more than deserve.

If you are unhappy, you really need to think about what you want for the future.
Do you want to be with this man in 5 years living like this?
Or 10 years or more???
I don't think you do.
I think this man is why you are unhappy and depressed.

Thank you, an evening job would be difficult as he's a shift worker and they change each week, you are right and I do need to find a job or something to get me doing something. I was looking at a college course or going back to the OU, but I can't see how it will work financially.

I did get presents and the cards, DS1 was so happy and proud of his writing on his card and, DS2 made me display his drawing on the envelope too.

I don't think my husband is the man for me, he is a nice man all round, but I can't see this forever.

I'm a long term depressive, from teens onwards, I've never been completely happy, so it could also be explained with that.

Then yes, evening work not really an option.
Look into college courses and discuss with DH and see when and how it is do-able.

Ah, bless your DC. Really glad they got to do all that in the end.

Sorry your day was not so good. how lovely that your children had done their own cards and drawings in the end though. It's shit when shift work prevents one from getting jobs or just getting out of the house regularly. I would recommend the OU, if you do the course now you'll be raring to go when the boys are older. you can get a student loan for a degree, and pay it back when you earn over a set amount. It can really help for your self esteem and feeling content with what you are doing too. Good luck!

He said I'm never happy. Which is true as I'm really not.

Part of your unhappiness could be being married to someone who says they are stressed or worried about money but are unwilling to discuss it - not really helping is it. Lots of people have to cut back as far as possible or moonlight to make ends meet.

The Credit Crunch section on MN is worth a look for money saving ideas.

My Dh never worked shifts but was away a lot, it was so irregular it was hard to arrange stuff or commit to anything outside the home, my sympathies. If you possibly can, try and look into studying, it could help your self esteem as well as gain a qualification.

The housework problem rears its head on these pages so often. Small thanks for keeping things going when a partner thinks you have it easy. Sounds like your H thinks you have to be busy in the home 24/7 or show results of labour to justify not drawing a salary. I don't doubt he works hard and takes responsibilities very seriously but at least he gets some time off.