Any advice, worried and scared:(

[Everycloudhasasilverlining]

Have posted a couple of times-always helpful:) I left my h and started divorce proceedings a few months ago, it's all my decision therefore as far as he is concerbpned it's all my fault, but after a few years of being unhappy (he was a bully, emotionally abusive and there were incidents of violence) I finally had enough and just couldn't do it anymore. Now it's getting nasty, I have filed to go to court because mediation failed to sort out the home, he is telling me what's happening with it and not allowing any compromise(there is a third party interest in the house which is not helping matters) children need a home. I have no funds, I can only pay for my own court costs and that's being borrowed from family. Now I am receiving letters from his solicitors warning me that they will be looking to me to pay his and the third party costs too, I am scared, I am living with family, supporting the dcs on the benefits I get as he has paid no maintenance, I am looking for work but it's not easy. I am afraid of what's to come but I feel I have to stand up and fight, why should I be left with nothing when I have the children to look after? If it were me alone I would be gone, but it's not:( not too sure what I am asking, just any advice really, thanks for reading

His solicitor is trying to scare you with threats of costs. Any letters you get from them you should pass to your own solicitor. If you reported the DV at the time you potentially qualify for Legal Aid. If not, any bills will be met out of the final settlement. Have you got a solicitor?

I have legal aid I have to pay to go to court, I guessed the letter was a threat, it wasn't very nice and that was the underlying message. I just haven't got funds, really, I can't pay for anything other than my costs and that's not with my own money:( I just don't understand how people can be like this

Cloud. The bullying behaviour is why you are leaving. He's not going to change now, in fact he will get worse as you are breaking free of his control. (Sorry that sounds negative). The good thing is you are breaking free. He will cease to have control soon.

I agree with sol about passing letters straight to your sol. Do you have a trusted friend who can advise you and support you in dealing with your own sol? Have you been in touch with Women's Aid?

His solicitor is acting on his instructions. If the person instructing the solicitor is an abusive & vindictive bully, that's the kind of letters you'll get. Please give the letter straight to your representative who I fully expect will either tell you to ignore it or they'll send back a 'nice try' letter.

FWIW - and I should say that I'm not a lawyer but I have studied law - it's usually the losing party who pays costs and, from what you've written, your ex is behaving unreasonably and is on very shaky ground indeed.

Thank you. I am struggling - it's all so much money especially when you have none. I am getting on, I am fortunate to have support from friends and family, my life goes on and the children are ok. Hopefully what you said about him being unreasonable will be helpful - he seems to have forgotten that the children should be a priority, it's not about us anymore but the future and what's best for dcs. What you said about the letters and whom they are from makes sense now - it's just like him

From what you say above, he's making an unreasonable claim on the property (with this third party), is not paying maintenance to either you or the children and he has rejected mediation which presumably put forward some fair solutions. So I believe he'll find that the court will seek to impose the fair solutions that he wasn't prepared to agree to voluntarily. From what I remember from my law days, if someone rejects an out of court settlement in favour of pursuing a case in court and they lose, they are liable for the court costs.

Give the letter to your solicitor and have a chat with them

I have made the decision to take it to court, they have not let me put any solutions forward they have just dictated what's going to happen, I am not accepting that it's about compromise not what one party wants

Did this dictating business happen during mediation or did you not even get in the same room? Was it pointed out that their position was unreasonable at the time? If you initiated the court case then you are technically liable for the costs if you fail. However, if your legal team think you have a good case (and it sounds like you do) then that becomes only a remote risk.

In mediation he left when it was suggested a courts priority would be the children. Before all of it I was told I would have to get out with the children-consistent all the way, I have to go