I have so many "mother issues" and it seems common here.

[Cutitup]

Firstly, I hope I never have the same issues with my DD when she grows up. But I can see the pattern forming (me being critical etc)...

Why don't dads seem to have the same problems with their sons?

Oh, they do. It just tends to show up later.

Please, though, don't think that you are doomed to repeat patterns ... you do not. It is a choice. Some things may happen on auto pilot, but providing you stay aware of what you are doing as a mother (and you do sound as though you are aware) then you can make a very swift apology (even to tinies) and hand up a huge warning flag for yourself ....to stop yourself repeating.

My childhood was dreadful, my mother a narc until the day she died.
As a mother, there were times I was sure I had screwed up and that I would inflict on my children what was inflicted on me and create a mess of their lives.
My children tell me they only remember being happy as children, and have all told me (at one point or another) that they have a brilliant mum and know that I am 100% on their side, and always here for them.
That is not a boast.
That's just being a normal mum.
Despite the past.
And normal is just about the best thing I can think that a mum can be.

.......and if I can do it, my love, anyone can, because if you are a thinking person, then you do not have to repeat!!!!!!!!

Boys and fathers often have similar problems to mothers and daughters .... just my observation. Boys often feel they don't match up to their fathers' ambitions or expectations. For others it's vice versa i.e. father starts as a hero figure but turns out to be human and falls well short of their standards.

I'm terrified of being like my mother. I know I've been left with a whole host of self esteem and inferiority issues even now that's knocked my confidence.

My mother is still self obsessed and I'm still regularly hurt. ... sigh.

Oops sorry about that!