partners father horrible (long post )

[petshopboy]

hi Ive been with my partner or NR 2 yrs were meant be getting married but haven't set a date/ made any plans. im a single parent with a 19 yr old son from a previous relationship. im not working at the moment m but my partner does and always has, his mum and dad have always worked , the problem is over the last 6 mths his dads started dropping hints about scroungers and dossers i strongly feel hes dropping these hints at me >my partner is vgenerous and likes to buy me small things but im in no way a gold digger i pay my own way and always do and have i was on my own for 17 yrs being a single parent i keep telling my partner to stop buying things but he wont listen we had a big row recently i got very upset and told him that his dad was upsetting me making me feel bad by his comments directed at me , that i wasnt going to accept any more thing my partner had bought or paid for because of this and felt like when he did it was getting thrown back in my face all the time >his dad is ok to me apart from dropping hints their not the most friendliest people anyway and partner is the last son left at home and before he met me lived at home and still does but over at my house most of the time even though he was 35 which i think is part of the problem being a daddys and mummys boy i think they thought he would be there forever anyway he said he understood were i was coming from but defended his dad saying that he thought i was picking on his dad !!!! now his dad wants to pay for the wedding !!! what ! ive said please tell him no and make some excuse up but my partner got the hump over that but ive put my foot down . now his dads saying that maybe we could go on oliday he will pay but then the whole holiday will be spent with me being put down all the time his mum and dad are 2 faced i think im relly trying to be nice to them but its getting me down and im thinking of ending it with my partner because i cant cope partner loves dad and wont hear a bad word but hes not keen on his mum the other son and his wife dont talk to them by the way

You're in for a miserable life if you enmesh yourself with this family.

They sound awful, and your partner has not grown up yet and let daddy and mummy go.

35 you said?

Do yourself a favour, love, as my friend says

Control, Alt, Delete

Next!

I would let them pay for the wedding, they must approve of you or they wouldn't have offered!Plus that way you ddon't need to go on holiday with them.

I don't think many parents offer to pay for a wedding if they don't like the person their child is marrying. Are you sure you haven't got the wrong end of the stick? Maybe it's your insecurity about the difference between your income that is clouding your judgement?

no i would never let him pay for the wedding i feel its being offred as a way to cause trouble then they will control the wedding plans i would behappy to let him pay but it will be thrown back at me

im a nice person but i dont feel i can do anymore
i dont want to end things with my partner either he knows the way i feel he warned me his dad was going to offer to pay for the holiday i said why dont you go with them without me but he didnt want to
i feel that because my partner has met me ive upset the apple cart and took their little boy away from them :(

no he keeps hinting all the time about people not working
also partners ex is on facebook all the time to his dad likeing stuff his posts thinks shes doing that to piss me off thats annoying me but not his dads fault but he could delete her but thats another story

Who is on your PILs fb is their business!

From what you say I think this is the beginning of a recipe for disaster.

Your gut instincts are telling you that paying for the wedding is a game-playing move for them to try to control you, in the context of other comments etc.

Your partner needs to grow away from his parents and become an independent adult - to become a man, not a boy. To put his partner above his parents, not below.

The alternative is that you are perhaps being over sensitive. I'm inclined to say that you're more likely to be listening to your gut instinct and the warning bells. But even if that's not the case, clearly there are some serious points of friction between you and your partner and these need to be worked out before you can safely consider marrying.

The FIL isn't offering to pay for the wedding or the Honeymoon to see if you will take the 'bait', thus giving him justification to have another go at what he sees as your freeloading ways is he? I had a bf whose father was capable of this sort of low life stuff and way lower. This type of stuff was his way of entertaining himself. I would make it clear you will pay for everything. These types have a hold on you if you let them pay. Good luck with making the right decision whatever you choose. 35 and still at home is fine if the parents are lovely but in this case...Mmmmm..