So how do I do this?

[mumaa]

After over a year of trying to make arrangements whereby MIL and her Parents (our DDs great grandparents) can spend more time with DD I have finally realised its time to give up. Have posted here before about this but to sum up they want to arrange family get togethers at times nearing our DDs bedtime and I have suggested alternatives like going to lunch so we have more time to spend - this doesn't suit, anytime I suggest doing something together they are "busy", they don't make arrangements to visit sum they might "pop round" if they find themselves at a loose end but no prior arrangement will be made.

They don't want to change their schedule and we don't want to change DDs bedtime, it took us long enough to get her into it, so that's fine. They have invited us to dinner and I have said that would be nice, see you then.

The problem is, i have a bit of resentment over comments, etc. that have been made, won't list them, will be here for days but as an example, MIL is quite passive aggressive. She has been on at us to have another baby from the moment DD arrived. She went on and on and on at us and eventually DH told her to drop it and she said "oh don't worry, I know you two won't have another... You couldn't cope!" Nice.

Grandparents in law have also started chiming in (I think in an attempt to back up MIL, their DD). At a recent event I chose not to drink, Grandmother in law said "are you not drinking?" And I said "no, but you could have one for me" and she said "oh, thanks very much, that's good of you" and she and MIL sniggered.

I am possibly being a bit I over sensitive in some cases but I know for a fact we have been talked about at length in relation to raising our daughter and all we are doing wrong (FIL who is divorced from MIL but still speaks to her told me what she has said to him on the matter). I find it quite difficult to put on a face when I know I have been talked about and know what their opinions are. Though given my DH works at weekends any family dinner involves me being there alone with DD for a portion.

How should I handle myself around them? Any advice? At the moment I am thinking the only way is to turn up and just say as little as possible. I feel they judge me on everything and anything that I do say is often taken the wrong way.

Then don't go, particularly if you have to be there alone. If they refuse to compromise for your dd then I don't see why you should have to compromise for them.

Ignore the comments & gossipy FIL.

If DH wants dd to see his parents then he takes her.

I agree. Let your dh deal with the rude bitches.

I would also tell dh that he has to attend functions with his parents from now on.

If it is to near ur dd bedtime he will have to leave early or dd will not go.

I think u should step bk from them. They are negative and nasty.

Do you go every weekend? If so, cut it down and ensure your dh goes with you. And it does help if you arrive at say 11 and know you will be gone for 3.

Thanks for replies. DH literally works every weekend, all weekend so in order for ILs to see DD it does involve me doing a bit on my own, i agree though, why should i bother? However, my side of the family is marred with this one not speaking to that one and i don't want to cause that on DHs side, making things awkward by me not going, though i do feel id have every right to do so, i don't want to make things awkward for DD growing up and questions of "why don't you go to grans?"

I have realised they are not for moving, and i am tired of trying to compromise, they aren't interested. Its a sad fact, but its true. I have agreed to go at a time when DH will arrive 30mins after me and i will be there a total of 2 hours before we have to leave, which is plenty. Thankfully its not every weekend, i find it difficult dealing with the performance that i am welcome and then am on the receiving end of underhand remarks. Everything is for appearance's sake, so my MIL can tell people she "had the family round".