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Original poster

Dating Etiquette

23 replies

Bugsy2 · 26/02/2004 14:42

Now don't all get too excited, I haven't actually got a date but I do have a question about dating. Given that I'm divorcing H, I may at some point want to go out with another man and even get down to some serious business. Given how sad I am, I spend alot of time wondering about how these things happen nowadays. (She says brushing off her false teeth and pulling up her support hosiery.)
When I was last dating, it was at university and it basically ran along the lines of: you went to the bar, drank alot, hit on someone you fancied and disappeared off into the beery night with them.
So, given that at some undefined point in the future, I might just get asked out - does anyone have any suggestions about roughly how long you date before bonking etc. etc. I know its all hypothetical but at least its fun!

OP posts:
SpringChicken · 26/02/2004 14:47

Never on the first date - unless he's Colin Farrell or something

I would say first date if your only looking for a bit of fun but definitely not if you are looking for something more serious.

Saying that i know my DB slept with his fiance on their first date and they are still together 6 years later (i dislike her but that's another story )

Twinkie · 26/02/2004 14:49

Springchicken you big slapper - even Jordan waits a month.

I waited 3 months with everyone (well except my friend who I had known for years anyway and he was like my friend (shag buddy IYKWIM!!)

Tinker · 26/02/2004 14:50

Ooo, Bugsy, I'm getting excited on you behalf now. I'd still go by the have sex when you want to (usually the first proper date ) BUT make sure that you won't get caught by your kids - know you'll do this anyway.

Oh you're free to fall in love with whoever you want now

Ask more questions, everyone loves these threads

Mum2Ela · 26/02/2004 14:54

I disagree with Sc - I shagged my now DH on, well, it wasn't even a date, and we are still together 7 years on.

Sorry, not much use to you.

I would say, as you have children, try to get out of the house for a 'date', get to know him before you take him home. There are a lot of muppets out there and I think it can sometimes be hard work sifting out the nice from not nice.

noddy5 · 26/02/2004 14:59

when you feel ready we did it on the 1st date and are still together and blissfully happy 12 years on.I waited for ages with previous bf's and it made no difference.It all seems so exciting enjoy it you lucky thing.

Twinkie · 26/02/2004 15:00

Book a baysitter and go to a Travel Lodge

Make sure you are de-fluffed and have nice pants on!!

Mum2Ela · 26/02/2004 15:05

Sod the pants I say!

And Travel Inn's rent their rooms by the hour . .

SpringChicken · 26/02/2004 15:11

I made my DP wait 8 months Not joking either! !

Everyone is diferent though - whatever you feel confortable with then do that .

Galaxy · 26/02/2004 15:14

message withdrawn

oliveoil · 26/02/2004 15:17

Well I did the deed on the first night and we will have been together 8 years in June. Didn't plan to, but dh had 'accidently' (he says) left his sunglasses in my flat and needed to come back and collect them. Still wind him up about that now.

But in answer to your question, whenever it feels right.

WideWebWitch · 26/02/2004 16:43

Ooh Bugsy, I'm excited for you too - I do hope you meet someone wonderful. I slept with dp on the first night too but it was only meant to be a one night stand, so that's my excuse. I'm very glad he forced his number on me the next morning - we've been together 4 years now. What a load of old slappers we are, going by this thread! I'd generally say though to wait a while if you're serious about someone although there is a school of thought that says if they're crap in bed best find that out sooner rather than later

Original poster
Bugsy2 · 26/02/2004 16:43

Twinkie how could you think I wouldn't be as hairless as a readycook chicken!!!! And pants..... gor blimey girl, I'll be wearing my best La Perla
I'm excited too Tinker, it would just be nice to meet someone.

OP posts:
Tinker · 26/02/2004 16:49

www - sorry read that as forced his member not number on you in the morning

My school of thought is if they think less of you cos you slept with them asap then you wouldn't want to be with someone with double standards - better find that out asap as well

lou33 · 26/02/2004 17:24

Been together with dh nearly 16 years, and slept with him on the saturday after meeting him on the friday. Would have done it on the friday but we didn't have any condoms .

Original poster
Bugsy2 · 27/02/2004 11:27

Hmmm, no conclusive evidence here. I bought a self-help book about this kind of stuff and it suggested trying to hold out for a month. The idea being to show the bloke that you value yourself and that he has to work a bit before he gets your La Perla off.
This is not a policy I have ever followed before as lust has always got the better of me but I couldn't help wondering if there might be something in it.

OP posts:
Fizog · 27/02/2004 11:50

I always go by the rule - do whatever, wherever, whenever you want to. Just have fun!

princesspeahead · 27/02/2004 12:15

it is SUCH a big myth that you should keep them hanging on for months or more,
the only way a man is ever going to be more interested by waiting rather than having sex, is if the sex is really really crap. and I'm sure with you it wouldn't be!

apart from anything else, think how frustrated YOU'D get! And completely agree with needing to know if he is crap in the sack or not pronto, since you don't want to wait 3 months for it all to be over in 5 minutes. Or 2 minutes if you are really unlucky...!

Blu · 27/02/2004 15:05

ooops, I have never thought of myself as a slapper...but I s***d dp BEFORE our first date! Flirted at my party, as he was leaving we made a date for a drink later that week, and , um, then he never quite left.

JJ · 27/02/2004 15:10

Blu, you and me, both. (I mean me with my husband you with yours....) All's well that ends well!

tigermoth · 28/02/2004 07:15

I was never one to hold out for long in my youth, but I have no idea what's the rule for more 'mature' dating. Probably no rules. Just got to do what feels right at the time. I agree that this 'you must hold out out' business is a myth for many and there to make you feel guilty if you don't.

But I think if I was to date again, it would take me much, much, much longer now to feel 'right' about someone. I have so many more boxes to tick - how they would fit in with my children, my home, what emotional baggage they have, basic financial stability. Not asking for a potential bf to be rich you understand, or even comfortably off, but I am a little more mercenary now - I used to be very attraced to penniless artists and I mean totally pennniless. Fast forward to now, and I am not so sure the pennilessness in itself would be a big attraction. I was much more innocent, open and easy go lucky in my twenties. I have higher expectations of people now and I am more cynical about motives. I look back on some of my boyfriends and wonder how on earth I could have spent and evening in their company, let alone gone to bed with them.

Goodness I sound old!

Bugsy what a good thread to start and I am so very pleased that you in particular have started it.

tigermoth · 28/02/2004 07:18

PS I was 28 years old when I met my husband so past the very first flush of youth. I slept with him on our first proper date and would have done so before but circumstances (too long to go into) wouldn't permit it. He moved in to my flat the next day.

motherinferior · 28/02/2004 11:59

I'm another never-quite-made-it-to-date stager myself. Met up with dp for a drink, spent time in various pubs bemoaning our disastrous lovelives, suggested he come back to my place for a curry and a drink and ahem he never quite made it home.

motherinferior · 29/02/2004 14:37

Also it depends on whether you'd still want the sort of bloke who didn't respect you for shagging on the first date IYSWIM. By which logic following your desires is a win-win situation, too

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