well it took me two years since I asked for advice here but I did it. I left him.

[anapitt]

back story here - it's long

over two years ago I got some great advice here about leaving my workshy partner and father of our children.

I finally did it a few weeks ago.

Things are working out fine, we get on fine, the kids are fine and live between us 50:50

After a few initial anxious wobbles I am happier than I have been in a very long time.

Belated thanks to all the great advice I was given from you wonderful people.

It's so lovely to hear your success story, anapit. Congratulations! I have been married to an emotionally abusive man for 15 years and fear that I might never have the strength to leave him; we have 3 DC's. Reading your story makes me think that it may be possible. Thankyou.

Thanks Tessa .
I deliberated for YEARS .
I was always scared the solution would be worse than the problem.
I was also scared he would turn nasty
I worried about the effect on our children.

at the start of this year I KNEW I had to do two things

1. split up
2. lose a significant amount of weight.

I knew if I did not do these 2 things that were majorly holding me back I would descend further into a shell of myself , in my early 50s with potentially a whole lot more living to do.

I did both . Both were far easier than I expected.

feel free to PM me

tell us your story of of your 2013 - we would love to hear what you did to get to this point.

Hooray!

Well done and congratulations!

That's great! Well done, you. :)

Always good to hear good news, and an example for those thinking of leaving.

So glad you're having a happier life. It's too short to be otherwise.

Congratulations and well done!! Pleased you are feeling the benefits to your decision

whatdoesittake , i had a couple of "heart" moments in the summer. I have known in my head for a long time if that makes sense.
The "heart " moments were to do with going to a small music festival on my own and experiencing moments of pure joy in the company of lovely strangers and realising I still did have the capacity for joy . I thought I had lost it.

Also me and ex had stopped fighting and had reached a sort of calm impasse. I just sat him down and said gently " This isn't working , is it? We need to separate and make plans how best to do it for the kids ".
I asked him to think about it for a couple of weeks then we would talk again.

he was initially hostile , angry . ( I'd feared this )But he did agree it was for the best. I helped him a little bit financially and everything is working out absolutely fine.

And he got himself a job

And the weight loss was easy. I just decided I had to feel hungry a lot of the time and stop obsessing about food.

Verry happy for you and your kids.I'm sure that AF is watching from somewhere < possibly in disguise >.She seemed to be very helpful back then,and her advice was useful for a friend of mine who was going through something similar to you.Again, congratulations and good luck for the future.

Very.Having trouble with the R key.:)

It's so great to hear this :)

Would you like to brag tell us about the shape of your life now?

thanks Garlic!

The shape of my life?
I am calmer, happier, I get time to myself, I like being alone in my house not worrying what mood he will be in, we get on fine.

I have time to do the things I like such as pottery and gardening and my house feels like a home again.

And I have a hot date this weekend

Well done and it's brilliant to hear that for all his faults, kids are 50:50, too.

What a fantastic update. Well done you

Congratulations x

Fantastic anapitt, well done you. It seems such a huge thing to do, but actually once its done it becomes easier, sounds corny, but like a weight has been lifted.

Finding the joy again is brilliant isn't it, realising that he didn't totally break you. Great that you have a good balance with the DCs too - I was devastated the first night the DCs were away from me but now I really look forward to my night off. 50/50 would have scared the life out of me as an idea, but the reality could be very appealing!

DIFM the biggest surprise has been how ok it is when the children are not with me. I thought that would be really difficult, but it's not. And I appreciate them more when I do see them.

And yes, exactly as though a weight has been lifted

Onemorechap, he always was a really good dad . Neither of us ever thought anything other than 50:50 would be fair on anyone, least of all the children, who, thankfully, seem to love us both .

That was one thing that kept me stuck for a long time . I couldn't stand the thought of not being around the children for half the time but as I said above it's surprisingly ok.

I really can't understand why some women stand in the way of the relationship between their children and their children's father . ( assuming no abuse or anything )

And I always considered him a "good guy "

I guess we were two people who were just not happy with each other .

I hope he finds some nice woman ( who likes children !) soon.

Hot date sounds like fun :)

When Ex finds a nice woman who likes him and your DC ... he should send her round to you for a grilling chat & some advice!

ha ha garlic so true. I would never warn another woman off him. he has many good points. I think he just took my earning capacity for granted