Dating with big age gaps?

[MamaPingu]

Hello

I am only 19 years old but pretty much have the mentality of someone who is 30!
Even my parents agree I would suit someone a hell of a lot older than I am. My mum pretty much told me I need to look for someone older haha

My question is how would this ever happen?!
First of all I can't imagine anyone much older being remotely interested as I do look quite young to look at.

Then I imagine if someone did seem interested I'd think they were weird because I'm young

Seems like a lose lose situation!!

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I can't understand your situation. You haven't met anyone in particular but you want to start looking for an older man because your mum told you to?

What does having the mentality of a 30 year old look like?? Based on the above you seem pretty much like a 19 year old to me.

Lots of women decide they'd prefer to date older guys. This doesn't have to mean 10-20 year age gaps. At your age even someone who is 23/24 will be in a different place to a 19 year old. Plus there's always the possibility that a man your own age could also be old beyond his years.

Can't help thinking that you're over-thinking this and should just see who comes along. You're actually still young, you'll be learning what works for you and what doesn't.

I don't think you would have any difficulty attracting an 'older man' - just make sure it's for the right reason.

However, think about it, my friend is married to someone 25 years older than she is - she has ended up caring for an old man and her life is very much restricted ............ I know that sounds harsh but it is something even she admits she didn't think about before embarking on an affair with an older, married man.

She didn't mean to literally go out and look for someone but that it'd suit me a lot.

By the 30 year old thing I meant I'm very mature I'm not like a 19 year old what so ever, and I get on with people a lot older than myself.
Hence the older partner may be a good idea too.

People my own age seem to be very similar and it's hard to find someone who is like minded for me.

I'm not looking for advice on how to go out and find someone I completely understand you just meet someone one day as it has happened with past partners.

I was just interested in what would happen if I did meet someone for example, I can't imagine anyone older than me would be interested cause I do have a baby face and was wondering if anyone had any experiences to share!

Was just meant to be a light hearted thread

There's no rules around age- people are individuals. Having said that, most boys of 19 are just that- boys- and women tend to be ahead of them.

My first serious boyfriend in my teens was my age. After we split up I met someone 5 years older, then after him had a long relationship when I was 21 with a man aged 35. We met at work. It didn't work out long term but it wasn't because of our age gap. My next serious boyfriend was 8 years older, but I ended up marrying someone who is only 6 months older than me. In some ways when we met I thought he was less mature- or hadn't had the same life experiences- but we've grown together over a long marriage.

I'd stop worrying about it and just see who you meet and take it from there.

You are only 19, and believe me will change so much over the next 10 years you will scarcely recognise you younger self, and will probably look back at this post and cringe at the immaturity of it.

What is it about older men that attracts you? Their confidence? Financial security? A father figure?

Bear in mind that the type of 40 year old man who would actually want to date someone young enough to be their daughter is probably looking for a young trophy girlfriend and someone they can control. There is exceptions of course, but you will attract more than your fair share of sleaze balls.

A friend of mine married someone 20 years her senior when she was in her 20s. At 40 something he was a cool sophisticated older man, and very attractive. However she has just divorced him, as at 50 she still feels like a youngish vibrant woman, whereas he is an increasingly infirm old man. I don't have a lot of respect for her to be honest. Shitty thing to do. He loves her, always has, and has treated he like a princess. She enjoyed the good years, but now he's over the hill wants someone younger.

I suppose I'm just looking for someone I don't have to babysit IYSWIM. All of the lads I know my age are incapable of looking after themselves. I'm completely independent in every way imaginable and have been for several years now but I barely know a lad my age with a job or the ones that have a job didn't go out and get it themselves, their dad employed them cause they were sat on their behinds!

I'm not looking for financial security just someone that can look after themselves. My previous partners have been the type to sit in all day doing sod all, I want someone who likes going out places and has a bit of life in them!!

I'm not talking 40 year olds or anything, in their 20s would be ideal. I realise it's not all down to age and there will be people my age who feel like I do, but I'm hoping someone slightly older may be a bit more my age mentally!

Maybe it's not so much that older men attract her as younger boys don't attract?

I was always old for my age as a teenager - possibly because I was an only child for much of my life and had adult conversations most of the time!- and found slightly older men more on my wave length.

Boys do mature more slowly- anyone with a son and daughter can see that I'm sure. There is usually a huge difference between a 19 yr old girl and a boy that age.

But the age gap does even out which is why when I married aged 30 and DH was the same age it wasn't noticeable.

With respect- at 19 you can't really call your previous boyfriends 'partners'- they were boyfriends or lads you were dating. Many lads now are at uni until they are 21 or 22 and don't start growing up until they are in their mid 20s at least. Maybe you need to mix with more people outside the social circle you are in now?

Well yeah some people won't be attracted to a baby face or very young and lithe body. Others will. It's not rocket science and I'm also struggling to turn it into comedy material. The thing to check is that an older man is interested in you for the right reasons. And as I said in my original post, you have to realise that just a five year age gap will be noticeable at your age, so don't start thinking you have to trawl the pubs for 40 year olds. Some older men may also find you far more immature than you think you are, which may force you to re-appraise your image of your self. You may also realise with time that older men who are keen on you, are perhaps so because they are immature and trying to avoid the responsibility that will come with a woman their own age. My boyfriend is seven years older, I think a big part of the attraction is I'm not yet old enough to force the baby chat.

All of the lads I know my age are incapable of looking after themselves.

Haha, oh dear, you realise men don't hit 25 and suddenly realise that the loo doesn't clean itself?

And lads your age are probably staying in because they're broke.

You might like to know that the new official age for the end of adolescence is now 25- up from 21.

This is partly down to the fact that so many people go to uni and don't work until they are almost mid 20s, and the fact that due to the economy, many are still living at home.

It's also largely to do with brain development ann. People aren't capable of fully rational decision making until they're around 25. They're also really bad at spotting emotions shift and danger signs.

yes that as well:)

If you've got an old head on young shoulders and don't find boys your own age attractive then it's probably a matter of compatibility of attitude rather than age per se. If you've not got classic good looks (baby face?) the way to resolve it is to socialise with people with the same outlook as you. That way friendships can develop into relationships rather than it all being down to appearances.

By baby face I just meant I look probably 17-18, I'm not an older looking 19 year old haha
I didn't mean I was ugly or anything!

I have always found older men attractive if I'm honest, but it's just how immature people of my age are that puts me off. My brother is 22 and there is a huge maturity gap between us two even now, although he has grown up a bit lately haha

But I just want someone who is independent and full of life rather than sleeping in til 12 then sitting watching tv all day! And that's regardless of age i know

Exclamation marks and emoticons don't make you immature, that's the most ridiculous thing I've heard!

An exclamation mark is a form of punctuation for god sake. And I've seen people of all ages use emoticons.

It's funny how a light hearted post that wasn't meant to be serious has received some negative responses.

A 50 year old woman saying they still feel 30 would be fine and a good thing. But being a young person who feels much older makes me foolish?

What sort of mature things are you interested in that may put you in the path of like-minded people (all genders)? Politics? Literature? Arts? Boys tend to congregate in pubs etc. Not so much at literary festivals..

Random hahas at the end of not funny sentences are not, however, a form of puntuation.

Anyway, this is the key bit: But I just want someone who is independent and full of life rather than sleeping in til 12 then sitting watching tv all day! And that's regardless of age i know

Look for this, stop worrying about age. Also, what do you want from a relationship at this age. I really regret spending most of my late teens and 20s in "serious" relationships. It really restricts your ability to grow and discover who you are.

Try 24-30 year old men they would probably have the mentality you are looking for without being too old.

And you wont have any trouble attracting an older man.

I was old for my years a bit like you. I met my exh when I was 17, he was 42. On a lot of levels it worked for 11 years, we had two children together. However, eventually we broke up, I can't say for certain it was age related but it did play a part because he was from a different generation, different values, expectations etc. For example he didn't approve of me working, wanted me to be the little woman at home and if I went out with friends then there would be dramas and tantrums for days afterwards. He's almost 70 now and I can't imagine having a relationship with someone that old.

Conversely, my last two relationships were with men who were 13 and 10 years younger than me. I was with the younger one for 8 years, the other for just over a year.

I think I need to find someone closer to my own age next time, if I can be arsed... I'm blissfully single now :o

I don't know quite how to put this but....

boys who have left school at 16-18 without any further or higher education are not usually go-getters or terribly bright, unless they have gone into a trade and are making a career for themselves doing something. If they are also unemployed- which they must be if they are in bed till noon- then they aren't likely to be able to offer you much in any way because they have yet to sort themselves out with a career .