How to handle work do with dp when ex flames of his will be there..

[boomoohoo]

Hi there, just needing some words of advice / coping strategies..

Dp is going to a work do this Friday of a place he used to work, and has lots of friends from. They are a fun lot, but include a couple of women that dp dated / had a fling with previous to me. One I haven't met, the other I have a couple of times, of which both times she acted very off with me which totally freaked me out!

When dp told me about this night (and invited me to) I just felt sick. I don't want to spend the next week feeling anxious, please help on what I can do to feel more relaxed about this. (He doesn't kno how I feel)

I know deep down it triggers a fear of him leaving me / not being good enough for him. These are my own insecurities and nothing to do with the way he is.

Part of me thinks I should not go? Or only go for a bit?

We have been together nearly 2 years. Thanks for reading.

Ok take a deep breath and think about this logically. You've been together for 2 years. He loves you, he is with YOU. What is it that you're worried about? That he still holds a flame for these other women? Or that they hold one for him?

If it's the first, has he given you any reason to think that? He's invited you along so presumably he was hardly planning on doing anything wrong.

If it's the second, then again - he's with you now. Just because a girl has been a bit off with you doesn't mean you have anything to worry about. Again she's hardly likely to try anything if you're there is she?

You need to work on your confidence firstly, remember you're gorgeous and you are part of a great couple. No-one else should matter.

Honestly, don't give it the importance it doesn't deserve. It's in the past.
DP is with you now, he invited you which suggests he doesn't have anything to hide. Just make sure you look fab on the night to boost your confidence!
Maybe the woman who he had a fling with just felt a bit awkward, as do you. my DH ex's children (not by him) are in the same class as my DD, awkward at first yes, but she's a lovely lady and a good friend now. Try not to see them as rivals.

Oh and definitely go! And have fun

If you're insecure, facing these kinds of situations and demonstrating to yourself that you can handle it are ideal ways of boosting your confidence. If you don't go or if you scuttle home then all you're doing is feeding your own fears. Tell your DP that you're feeling a little unsure so that he can work out how to behave. In the meantime, act self-assured and you'll be self-assured.

I've been in a very similar situation to you so I can relate to how you are feeling. In the summer I had to go to a wedding, a 2 day wedding overseas, and my DP's ex girlfriend of 4 years was also invited. I was very anxious in the months leading up to the wedding, but I decided that as we were both going and there was nothing I could do about it I would just have to try and act confident (it was hard as I am quite insecure ) and make sure I looked and felt my best on the day. I think you should go as your DP is with you now and loves you, you have every right to go and be there with him. I think I would mention how you are feeling to him before the night though as you can't expect him to know. That way he can look after you a bit

Thank you for your kind responses I know I need to get confident. I'm at a bit of a loss as to how, I think it'll be one of those journeys that take a while hey.

I feel insecure around them as they are real party girls, which I'm not. So I think they're more fun than me. My dp used to go out quite a lot previous to being with me, so I fear that he'll always be attracted to that lifestyle..

Cogito yes absolutely, fake it till you make it is definitely a model I need to try more!

Munto - how was it in the end? Did ur dp kno how u felt?

If he was he wouldn't be with you!

Hmm, I agree with everything said before if this was his current workplace's do but have i got it right? This is somewhere he used to work?

How often is he touch with his old workmates and how many of them? (other than these women) Who invited him?

When dp asked you to go did he expect you to say yes?

If they know there's a chance you're going I bet they're likely to be a bit apprehensive too. Go and have fun. Be polite, friendly and magnanimous.

This is somewhere he used to work, but he was actually friends with them before they started working together. He doesn't see them very often, every few months maybe.. It was a Facebook invite, so the bosses would've invited him.

Oh God, my XH invited two exes to our wedding; the night after, I went to bed as I was exhausted (pregnant and from wedding stress), they all stayed up chatting and drinking till the early hours. I think you will learn a lot from where he puts his attention on such occasions. I felt excluded, even though it was my wedding. Agree that you should make your apprehension known, so that he looks out for you.

Is it usual for the boss to invite ex-employees? Would be unheard of where i work.

Does dp know how you feel? Is he understanding?

What would happen if you say you don't want to go? Or if you say you don't want him to go? Not saying you should, just wondering what his likely reaction would be

I feel insecure around them as they are real party girls, which I'm not.

Without knowing either you or the situation, can I hazard a guess that this might be exactly what he likes about you? I mean, party people are ok for a laugh, but you wouldn't want to settle down with one. (I wouldn't anyway - you'd be exhausted from trying to keep up!)

The fact he's invited you along tells me he sees the pair of you as a unit and he is secure with you.

Also agree with Love, that you don't have to go, it is not hiding, it is not putting yourself in a situation you do not wish to be in.

Thank you for responses, and sorry for late reply.

LoveandLife he doesnt know how i feel now, but i have talked to him in the past about feeling insecure about these girls being around. he says he isnt interested in talking to them / is there for his friends and not to see them, which i do believe. (as they have contacted him in the past asking how he is and he hasnt responded)

If I said i didnt want to go he would be fine with it.. he'd just say 'ok'. we both have our independent set of friends so it isnt unusual for us to go out with our own friends without the other. If i told him i didnt want him to go.. i think he would feel offended that i didnt trust him. rightfully so on this occasion as i think my fears are all my issues. and i dont want to have to police him.

wegotthekrunk and inthequietcoach thank you thats reassuring, i hope so . i wont be able to go for a heavy one as ive got plans on saturday eve with some friends, but i will show my face; confidently