Is it okay to feel weird about this?

[Solarstone]

I have namechanged for this and I am going to have to be deliberately vague to avoid outing myself. But I can't really seek opinions in real life because those I'd usually talk to are those involved in the situation.

A few years ago I went out with my first proper boyfriend. I thought he was 'the one' at the time, as you do. A couple of years later, when I went away to uni, he ended things because he wanted me to be able to live the full uni life and didn't want a distance thing. I was all for giving up my uni course for him, but was persuaded not to. We stayed in touch, remained the very best of friends, because there was no reason not to be. I was devastated when he started seeing somebody else, and it was hard to stay friends but somehow got through it. Fast forward a bit and I still consider him my best male friend. We can talk about anything and have supported each other through rather a lot of difficult times, on both sides.

Recently he asked if I'd mind if he asked out my best female friend. Initially I was really excited by it and thrilled for them both, I think they are well suited and get on well and think it could be rather special for them both. They are now dating, and have quickly discussed marriage and babies and it is getting very very serious very very quickly.

I desperately don't want there to be a 'but' here, but there is.

I am finding it really weird. Because I am so close to my df she tells me literally everything, all that he says (ie. she's the first person to make him this happy, the best in bed, etc.) and all that they get up to in rather too much detail. And I am finding it really hard to listen to, it doesn't seem to register to her that this could possibly be weird, despite knowing our history. I didn't think it would feel like this until it happened. The thing is, I know I can't possibly remain as close to him as I am now if I am to stay close to my df, she has already made a few comments which indicate that. So I know I have to step away from one or the other, to a certain degree. I could never let either know that I feel like this because fundamentally I want them to be happy, as they appear to be with each other. So I'm all smiles and saying the right things but internally a bit, well, scared of the changes that are happening as a result in my own friend-relationships with the two of them.

I think I just want to know that its ok to feel a bit sad strange. Or, if I'm being (internally) unreasonable, could you gently let me know? If others have dealt with similar better than I seem to be, a kick up the arse bit of friendly advice would be most welcomed.

you are being more than reasonable .
It is completely understandable to feel the way you do.
Your friend on the other hand is being somewhat insensitive. to say the least.
Do you currently have a partner?

I think your friend is jealous of you and feels threatened by you.
He may or may not have said those things and he may have meant them or not. I think she told about them to male sure you back off, as she's already making sure you won't stay as close to him.

For your sanity, maybe you should distance yourself from both. It's not healthy to still be so involved with someone you seem to feel is the one who got away. He's definitely not into you romantically, and you need to move on emotionally.

I think it's ok to feel weird. I've got a 'one who got away' too. We were both married, part of the same friendship group, he got divorced but we remained close. He's a wonderful man, terrific DF to his kids.

Then he met his now DW and then I got divorced . I have distanced myself from him, and he from me (which is absolutely the right thing to do) - however, he knows and I know there could have been something but it's too late.

Take a big step back. Move on. Let yourself meet someone new.

It makes perfect sense if you're still holding a torch for this man. 'Just friends' always ends up this way if one party is 'just friends' and the other would rather be 'more than friends'. He ended it with you and it's therefore unfinished business. I think, sadly, you're going to have to quietly step back from both your old flame and friend or this is just going to torment you ad infinitum

I think she is totally trying to Mark her teritory To me

Yanbu... Detach from both.

Totally understandable. But my advice would be to take a step back before it becomes obvious how you feel. I have been in a similar situation in the past and I let my feelings be known. Not only did I publicly make an idiot of myself, I basically lost both friendships (and no, dear reader, they didn't even stay together!!).

I had the same thing, we're 15 years on now and all still friends but she's my primary friend iykwim. Occasionally comments are made but enough time has passed for it to be ok and they're obviously very happy together.
Tricky one though.

Women always seem so competitive when it comes to men.

It's outrageous to be that she would describe their sex life and what he has said.

I have a friendship group of around 10 and a fair few
of the lads have shagged the wives of their mates before they got together (very incestuous lot). It never ever comes between them and would never be mentioned in those terms.

You are right to feel a bit pissed off but more with her comments.

And also don't hold a torch for your first love. Believe, as you get older and more experienced, you will meet many more interesting people. There is never a "one" there is "one of potentially many"

The one and soulmate is something that women seem to like the idea of but in reality there are thousands of men who would fit into that category.