How to live with a liar?

[Madethebedx]

Hi folks, first post here.
So, a little about me. I am living with my dp and done for nearly 3 years. We have a baby together. In alot of ways dp and I have a good stable enough relationship considering all the sh*te we have been through together (whole other story). He is really good to me and tbh it's like he tries to please me all the time, but now to the extent he is lying to me about things and I mean blatantly lying and on one occasion to the extent that he swore on our babies life which when I found out he lied I was shocked and disgusted that he brought our child into it. I found out by his friend that he lied about this particular thing. I was on the verge of leaving him but I want the best for our baby and he promised he would never lie again.

Around 4 weeks goes by and he lied again. And I knew he was lying, He told me he was annoyed at me for not believing him etc trying to turn it round so I was the bad one. I really don't know what to do for the best, I feel I can't trust him, I'm unhappy and can't look at him the same but I want our dc to grow up with both parents and have a happy upbringing. He's an amazing dad and never treated me badly but I can't trust him?

Anyone else out there that lives with a liar and how do you deal with it?

If you decide to split it won't be you who have broken up the family. He did. He knew he couldn't lie again and he did.
It is better for a child to live in a happy home than in an unhappy one, even with two parents. He'll learn that lies are not acceptable, at least to you.

You have my sympathies OP. My mother is a compulsive liar & my poisonous step brother is too. FFS just tell the truth, it's so much easier.

What does he lie about? Is it important stuff that could impact badly on the family or is it the relatively trivial? I'm no fan of liars but there is a class of people who are very insecure, inferior and feel they need to lie because they are disappointing or uninteresting. They cover up - often really trivial stuff - because they don't have the confidence or the assertiveness to face the music or be themselves. This doesn't excuse the behaviour but I'm conscious that one of the first things you said was that he tries to please you all the time. Is he worried he's letting you down if you know the real him? Does he set a lot of store by 'image'? Swearing on a baby's life smacks of immaturity .... the adult equivalent of 'cross my heart and hope to die'.

If it's important stuff.... money, alcohol, other women.... ignore me and kick him to the kerb. :) But if it's trivial stuff and you still like the guy, it may be worth another conversation.

"there is a class of people who are very insecure, inferior and feel they need to lie because they are disappointing or uninteresting."

Those people are right about how disappointing and uninteresting they are.

They're no more worth bothering with than the malicious liars.

Ahh i dont know if you can. I tried. My ex was a compulsive liar.
The hardest thing about it, is i was forced to lie also at times.

He told our neighbor he was in the army, and had been laid off due to a bad back - which he apparently hurt when he was working.
This disgusted me - i avoided that neighbor at all costs.
He says his reason for it was to tell people what they want to hear!

He had a load of other issues that ended the relalationship. But i wouldnt have been able to continue with the lies alone

The thing is, all the small lies just end up breeding bigger ones

They never stay small and insignificant, they escalate as new lies need conjuring to cover up the old ones

I can't imagine not knowing whether the ground beneath my feet was solid or shifting. Horrible.

As I said, I'm not excusing the behaviour. I have a cousin who 'Billy Liar' may have been modeled on. Eldest of a big family of very competitive brothers, he lies to impress and the net effect is that nobody believes a word he says. He's a bit of a family joke, in fact. I love him dearly but anyone in a relationship with him ... bad luck. :)