Do you think I was justified?

[itreallyhurts]

I need someone else's opinion about this.
Basically, DP & I are having a really rough time & it's reaching the point where the relationship may end. We are currently not speaking to each other after the mother of all arguments. As usual, it started over something really trivial.
I was driving home from work & was late finishing. I phoned DP to say I was on my way. He asked why I was late. As I'd had a shitty day I started to explain why only to find that he'd put the phone to our DD's ears so I could "talk" to her (she's just a baby) I waited till he came back on the phone. He asked if I was speaking to her. I said "yeah, but I was actually trying to talk to YOU". At this point, he puts the phone back to her ears again. So I waited again till he came back on. He could tell I was a bit annoyed & couldn't understand why. I can understand the first time but after hearing that I was trying to tell him something & still gave the phone to her, I thought this was a bit rude.
He asked why I was being arsey.
Do you think I was justified in thinking this was rude? If someone asks you a question, the least they can do is listen to the answer, IMO.
I did have PMT, had had a very unhappy day at work & had stayed late as well.
The other thing is we had a huge row about it & whilst I'm normally the one to back down first & appologise, I haven't this time & its lasted 3 bloody days!!
What I want to know is this...did I over-react or do you think I had a point?

I think if you'd had a really bad day, anything can wind you up. If dh had asked me something and i was trying to tell him and he passed the phone to dd or anyone else, i'd be a bit annoyed too, especially if i was running late and didnt need to faff about on the phone!

It was a bit rude, but possibly not enough on its own to cause the mother of all rows - so I'm guessing this was the last straw?

I don't think you necessarily need to back down or apologise, but the atmosphere must be awful with neither of you speaking to the other, therefore I would break the silence in order to start talking seriously about what is wrong and how to go forward positively from here.

Perhaps relate might be useful?

If everything else between you was fine, this incident would probably not have annoyed you in the saem way. It's because of all the other little things which you have had diffrerences about and then this. It's just one more thing in a long line of things and this is the one that you choose to take issue with to make a point.

Perfectly understandable. It would piss me off too and I would say so too. dh didn't want to hear about your problems and his way of not listening was taking the piss by giving the phone to your dd.#

Tell him you think it was rude of him and leave it at that. Go and moan to a mate who will listen and give you the symapathy you are looking for. And slag your dh off at the same time to make you feel better!

Reginald, yeah, it's the latest in a long line of rows. Like I said, I usually appologise in order to break the tension. During the row, I summed it up by saying "I felt ignored & you thought I'd taken my bad mood out on you. Neither of us feels like appologising so we're at a stalemate".

We've tried to talk since then but we're both still very angry. Relate is out of the question. He'd rather stick pins in his eyes than do that. Even if it was the only thing that would save the relationship, he wouldn't do it.

We won't be able to talk again until Friday evening as he's on shifts & I'm dreading it. He thinks everytime we have a row that I don't want to be with him. Why would I be bothering if I didn;t want this to work?

Actually, queeneagle, i did that this morning!!! My poor friend seems to hear my tales of woe on a regular basis, I might have to start rotating the friends I moan to!!

irh - have you thought about getting something for your pmt?

I know that at certain times of the month I can't help put find fault with dh and everything he does, provoke an argument just because I am feeling arsey and generally have a go about anything and everything. The week after my period I am back to my usual seetness and light self!

Seriously, would it be worth tackling this if rlate or anything is a no-go?

QE, about the pmt, it was really odd this month. I was ovulating over the weekend & by Monday morning I burst into tears because I'd forgotten to give the childminder a bib! The shit day in question was basically me being crap & forgetting basic stuff, not concentrating etc. It got progressively worse as the day wore on, till it wasn't even funny. I'm very hard on myself if I don't do my job well.
I'm BFing & taking SJW when I remember. He's not very sympathetic, he's quite "macho" type of man. I wish he was more like a woman, IYSWIM!!!

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