my ex is a complusive liar and we share a beautiful baby

[w0weZE]

hi im struggling to keep positive about my future happiness or stop feeling depressed about the prospect of my sons life when his dad ( we have split ) is a complulsive liar and has been unreliable to his children from another relationship. we have only been split a few months and alrady the signs aren't great. ie sketchy contact, dishonest answers about how /where they spend contact time . am I being unfair, paranoid, prematurely damming?? I just have this massive rush of emotion, of protection towards my child.

Nope, you're not being unfair or paranoid. You've noticed his behaviour and you don't like it. I can only pass on advice I've received on here, which is. Protect yourself and your child, get supervised contact if you want him to be a part of your child's life and if not, cut him out completely. How he deals with the kids from his previous relationship is up to their mother and him.

Don't waste your time trying to reason with a serial liar, they will argue black is white and it'll do your head in trying. Been there, done that... Waste of your time and energy. Cut contact if you can, they never change.

If your DS is only a baby, trust me, what they've never had they don't miss. My DS has only sporadic contact with his father, I've been a lone parent since he was born 13 years ago, and he does well at school, is a nice polite guy, kind, helpful and has lots of friends. If this ex of yours is being dishonest about where he goes and what he does with the baby, don't flog yourself to death trying to maintain contact. Just keep your baby home and safe.

The son/father relationship of your DS isn't the only relationship he will have in his life, its one of many & if its bad or non existant then he will have others & it won't ruin his life.

You left him for good reasons, remember that & as far as your ds is concerned its better for him to have you 100% & no dad rather than 2 parents together who don't get on. A childhood stained with rowing, hushed arguments when you think they can't hear, the sound of crashing crockery when they're in bed etc does not make for a happy child. Its better for him to have a stable & calm home life with one parent & if necessary no contact with the other.

You responsibility as far as your ex is concerned is keeping your child safe when with him. If you can't be sure that's happening because of the lies then contact must be through a contact centre or a similar set up where your DS is not compromised. If you don't trust your ex then he can't have your ds at his house.

Remember that although it might seem remote, you could meet somebody else & your DS will have a father figure in his life, one who is there physically & emotionally for him. Don't assume you will be on your own for the next 18 years.

Keeping your ds out of it, how are you doing yourself? :)

Why did you have a child with someone with that kind of history?

Anyway...

Damage limitation, be respectful to the feelings of the half siblings and their Mother and hope they have space for your ds in their lives. That way your ds will have some family contact on his Dad's side. I think it will help all the dc to realise the problem is him not them.