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Original poster

Anyone reject dh when he tries to make up after row?

16 replies

carrottop · 12/07/2006 17:26

Sometimes if we have a disagreement i refuse to make up with dh despite him repeatedly trying to make up with me. I seem to reject him and then wish he'd come back and then when he does i reject him again. i wonder why and if it's to see how far i can push him? I don't know why i want to do this as when he does lose his temper it's horrible as he shouts very loudly and says horrible things. Why can't i just be grateful that he makes an effort to make up and accept it? i know it's stupid as both of us hate arguments which end up going on for days

OP posts:

TheLadyVanishes · 12/07/2006 18:23

oh yes done this a few times, i know my reason tho and its attention seeking tbh, and to make him feel worse especially if i think it was him who started it. We don't let our arguments go on for days tho

warthog · 12/07/2006 19:03

no. neither of us refuse to make up after a row. quite enjoy the making up!

Ellaroo · 12/07/2006 19:13

Maybe you need some cooling off time to yourself before you're ready to make up?

My dh always wants to be friends again immediately and I find this difficult if I'm still annoyed with him for whatever 'crime' he's committed. He's slowly learning to give me 5 minutes of frantic oven polishing/dish-washing/chocolate eating before even entertaining the idea that I might forgive him or being willing to make up.

sheepgomeep · 12/07/2006 21:11

my dp does this to me, if he's really pissed of regardless who started the argument, he will still ignore me sometimes all night. The more I tried to make up with him the worse and more pissed off he got so now I just leave him and he often comes to find me not long after.

JellyNump · 12/07/2006 22:33

sometimes if dh has really upset me but then can try to make up like nothing has happened, i dont want to, makes me feel uncomfortable, dont know if im coming or going type feeling, that make sense?

anniemac · 13/07/2006 09:21

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ChocFudgeCake · 13/07/2006 10:34

Yes I do that, often. DH hates it. But I cannot just pretend that nothing happen. I need to be on my own for hours. If he comes and asks that we forget about it, I am just able to talk about it an an attempt to solve the problem (things that often cannot be solved, for example his mother being herself iykwim). If he does not want to talk, then I won't make peace. He thinks I am quite rude.

Original poster

carrottop · 13/07/2006 11:10

good point anneimac. Sometimes he does snap and then it makes things even worse as he has a horrible temper when pushed too far. Then i wish i'd made up earlier. I'm going to try to make up quickly next time. All your comments have been really helpful. Almost sounds like i'm punishing myself as i hate it when dh gets really angry and yet when i keep refusing to make up , this makes him angry! God i'm stupid! Sometimes i've felt a bit intimidated of his temper when things have gone too far but it's making me think that i can't really be scared of him at all, probably the complete opposite, if i keep pushing him so far when i know the consequences?

OP posts:

Original poster

carrottop · 13/07/2006 12:44

chocfudgecake, do your disagreements end up going for for days too then?

OP posts:

joelallie · 13/07/2006 13:01

No I don't. But DH does. I blow up and have a good old rant and then it's all over usually before DH even knows what's hit him. 10 mins later I'm trying to say sorry and make up and he's just started to sulk. Can go on for hours. I can see his pov but it drives me up the * wall!!!

Original poster

carrottop · 13/07/2006 14:56

really think i must be a bit stupid for refusing to make up time after time when i hate it when dh snaps because he can't take anymore. Then i feel even worse because i hate it when he gets angry with me. think i have the answer here - make up quickly then he won't get angry with me. I wonder why i do it? Any ideas? Am i testing him?

OP posts:

anniemac · 13/07/2006 16:10

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Original poster

carrottop · 13/07/2006 17:09

You could be right aniemac! i wonder what your thoughts are on what i said earlier about thiking i'm a bit intimidated by dh's temper but maybe i can't really be if i know that refusing to make up for hours sometimes even days, when he keeps trying can cause him to lose his temper. I really if i'm truly honest althouyh some of the things he does which cause arguments are irritating they're rarely very serious

OP posts:

anniemac · 13/07/2006 17:29

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Original poster

carrottop · 13/07/2006 20:34

good point aniemac. think your are right - it's not so much i'm scared of him - just don't like the shouting. But probably wouldn't like it if he did what i do either. have made a decision to make a big effort to accept apologies from now on

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ChocFudgeCake · 14/07/2006 07:39

Carrottop, the maximum can be 2 days, I think. But thanks God that has not happened recently. We are quite tired with the kids, so no energy left to do that. Before kids I was unable to go to sleep if we were angry, I would try to persuade him to talk and make up. Now I'm prepared to sleep anytime on the kitchen counter if allowed!

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