Emotional Blackmail...

[Mrsmorton]

I've posted about my situation before, long history of EA. I want to leave and I can afford to and we've got no children.

This week it has sort of come to a head, if said I want to leave and he firstly said well pack your kit then. Then he sent me a text messgae saying he wanted to commit suicide, "I've decided to end it all and you can be happy", then today on the phone he said if I left him he would destroy everything, he would burn the house down and destroy all of our assets (I don't even want the assets, he can have everything...) but now I feel like I either get on and be unhappy or I leave and he could do anything.

That's exactly what it is, emotional blackmail. Leave, and next time he makes a threat call the police and tell them that you're worried about him. But DON'T contact him yourself.

Yes it's emotional blackmail of the very worst kind. If you leave and he actually does throw himself off a bridge or burn the house down it would be entirely 100% his responsibility and not yours. I agree about leaving but contacting the police if he makes similar threats. Whatever happens, your conscience should be crystal clear.

Good luck

Totally agree with the others.
Now is not the time for talking to him.
Pack and leave ASAP.
If he threatens suicide or house burning then call the police immediately.
Do not communicate with him at all from now on.
Get out. He sounds awful and you know you need to get out.
If he does anything then you know full well it is NOT your fault.
He is a grown man and responsible for his own actions.

any normal human being gets worried and upset about threats like that. Which is why they are so effective. They are also ruthless and lack all sense of decency - what normal human being tries to force someone to stay with him by making suicide/death threats? no normal person has that little self-respect that they would coerce someone this way.

If its any help almost no one ever carries these threats out. A very, very very few do but its almost always bluff. And with the ones who do - I'm sorry, but it is an evil and wicked thing to do, to try to get someone back under your thumb. Its a wicked thing to do, even to make the threats. Old fashioned maybe, but true.

If he does make these awful threats again ring the police to let them know and ring his doctor and do not, do not get engaged.

Good luck and stay strong, MN is behind you and many, many many women have had to put up with this extreme nastiness to get free.

Oh i had it all. My old ex was going to burn my house down, kill me, my kids and himself, the final one was when he said he was going to jump off a cliff. I wished him luck and that was the end of the threats. I worried myself like mad,until i realised it was his way of keeping control.

He is still around. Doesnt see his kids but he is alive. Onto his next victim.

Good luck op. Stand your ground and be strong xx

Thank you. Cogito I'm getting bored of hearing myself whinging and want to say "will you fucking grow a pair" but it's hard and I'm so grateful for the advice on here.

These threats are worrying, they really are but as you've said the chances of him doing anything are non existent. It's just such a worry.

Getting stronger every time

theres a thread here that mentions what unpleasant people tend to threaten when they loose the one they control, including suicide threats: www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171

Leave it to the professionals if he's erratic on the day. If you are on good terms with his family you could ring them after you leave and warn them he is unhappy and acting disturbingly. But he is not your responsibility! Simply resorting to desperate manipulation at a time he knows he has no real influence over you.