Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice on possible domestic violence

3 replies

AnotherRerun · 19/11/2013 23:25

Name changed for this, really need some advice.
A while ago, a friend of mine came into work sporting a really nasty black eye and bruising on the face. I asked her what was wrong, and she breezily replied she had fallen off her heels when drunk. I did have my suspicions, but reserved comment. A few weeks later, she mentioned in conversation that she had rowed with her DP, and she admitted that the bruise from a few weeks ago was from him, and he had slapped her again the previous night. I asked her point blank what she was doing with someone like that, and she told me it was complicated. I am even more worried now, as she is in the process of moving far away from her family and closer to 'D'Ps, making her even more isolated. She also has a DS with health issues, and a DD, and so obviously that is a major concern. She is also seriously lacking in confidence and self esteem, and thinks she isn't good enough for anything else. I am at a loss as to how to help her, as I am usually very opinionated and speak my mind Blush but am not sure that is what is needed in this case? Any advice hugely appreciated.

OP posts:
sarahjaye · 19/11/2013 23:45

Talk to her and tell her you are worried. Tell her to leave him. Offer her a sofa at yours. Tell her talk to her parents. Tell her to phone WA. Tell her to get they fuck out of this relationship.

The reason is, this sounds EXACTLY like the abusive relationship I've just managed to extracate myself from.

Sorry if I'm projecting a little, but she sounds like me.

Lweji · 19/11/2013 23:49

What Sarah said.

Show her she has options, even if she moves away. But also assure her that you'll always be there for her and won't say I told you so.

eightandthreequarters · 20/11/2013 00:03

Well, there's a lot you COULD do, but you'll have to decide what the consequences might be. You could call social services and report the abuse, as there are children in the house. This would be drastic for your friend, though. The children could be removed from her care if SS thought it was necessary.

You could point her towards Women's Aid, free legal advice, any support you yourself can offer in RL, and this very website for exploring her situation. Then let her take her time to come to the conclusion that she needs to leave him.

It's very hard to make the right call for everyone involved, including her DC. But you should certainly speak up.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread