How do you make some girls see sense?

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I posted here last week about a family issue and got some good advice, so I came back for more! :-)

I was wondering if any of you have advice on what you can say to make girls see some sense in a "relationship" that isn't working. Let me give you the details.

I know a woman who is 30 and has never had a real relationship with a man. I don't think she's ever had sex either. She's very sweet but kind of a drama queen. Anyway, she's crazy about this guy who treats her like garbage. He is a complete player and will sleep with just about anything that moves. He has tried to chat up all her friends.

The two of them are "friends". Nothing has ever happened between them, even though there have been many opportunities. He has slept over at her place a bunch of times, but has never tried to get physical. He only calls her and spends time with her when he has nothing better to do but blows her off when it suits him. I think that he enjoys the crazy amount of attention he gets from her. The worst part is that he makes fun of her when she isn't around. She's quite overweight and he makes a lot of comments about that.

She, on the other hand, thinks that he's in love with her! She thinks that he has never tried to have sex with her because he cares too much and is too scared to show his feelings.

She talks about him non-stop, vents to everyone about their "problems" - but then doesn't listen to advice when people tell her that he's a creep!

How on earth do you make a person like this see sense?!

You don't. Unfortunately.

Just put your hands over your eyes,and watch through your fingers.

You can either tell her exactly what you've written here, and be prepared for her to get cross with you, or you can gently tell her that you don't think he's that nice to her, then step back and wait until she needs you to be there with a big box of tissues. She won't see it until she's ready to.

Thanks for the advice so far! I know that she has to see it for herself, but this has been going on for years now. How long will it take for her to wake up and see him for the creep that he is?!
It's hard to just sit back and watch someone you care about make a complete fool of herself

It's a tough one OP. I think the first step is to refuse to engage in the idea of "their problems". She has problems, and you can support her in that, but she has to know that you're responding to her as a single woman who's hurting, not some relationship drama.

You could also be quite harsh. Ask her to name three men she knows who have ever not slept with a woman because they love her, for instance.

Ask her to name three men she knows who have ever not slept with a woman because they love her, for instance.

I think that a large part of her problem is that she really has no experience with men or relationships. I'm actually much younger than her and can see right through this guy.

She is actually very insecure and can be quite nasty. For example, if we go out with friends and there is another pretty girl there, she will completely slag her off to everyone else when she leaves.

So I'm not surprised that she's so attached to this guy. I know that someone like him can only be a player because he knows how to make women feel good (at least temporarily). So he is completely playing into her insecurity. There are nice guys who have asked her out in the past, but she just isn't interested. She's acting like a teenage girl chasing the "cool" bad boy, but she's a 30 year old woman, it's time to wake up!

I haven't ever been harsh or told her the things he's said behind her back. Although others have tried that approach and she just won't have any of it. She would rather stick to him than listen to advice from people who really care about her.

Maybe she has just met her match then. He may teach her some valuable life lessons in terms of hurting others feelings to make herself feel better.

I would also suggest (as annoying and hard as it may be), to let it play out. She has never experienced this before, and so it may do her good. Even if its not.

Say its her only shot...which if shes 30 she very well may be thinking like that. At least when she is 40-50 - if no one else has came along. She will have these memories and stories to tell of trying to feel like she is fitting in, doing what 'everyone' else does.

It may also help increase her confidence when it comes to approaching other men.

If she is happy - then surely, thats all that matters, isnt it?

If it has been going on for years, then it cannot be that bad for her. Especially if she is going on like a teenager. Sounds like its a good thing for her.

He might really like her, but isnt the type he would usually go for. He might get shit off his friends and so join in slagging her off. Which isnt good, but you never know how he really feels on the whole thing.

A player wouldnt a game like this for years though....would they? I thought they liked o get their leg over and then move.on

You're describing a pretty insecure person, unfortunately. Bitching about other women, trotting round after an uninterested person making out he is in love with her, fabricating relationship problems to get attention.... low self-esteem every step of the way. She's not going to 'wake up' any time soon, I'm afraid. She'll crash first.

I wouldn't say anything. It's not up to you- and maybe she knows this person better than you do anyway.

I would go with what Caitlin Moran says on the subject. Women talk lots about men and dissect every little interaction when they are feeling insecure in a relationship/crush. When it's the real thing, and they are really happy, they disappear for 6 months and emerge 6 months later half a stone heavier saying they're really happy.

That really stuck with me

But you'll just have to ignore her until she gets over it.