Goodbye

[pookyandponky]

Hi, I have been in a relationship for 9 months. I just want some advice from you wise ladies. "He" won't make plans to see me very often. "He" does text. Tonight he said he might pop in. I think it's to say goodbye. How do I deal with this in a mature manner. Please.

Is he married?

Go first?

If he doesn't seem sufficiently keen to you, and your relationship is not satisfactory, why continue?

Also, he "might" pop in?

No he isn't married.
I care a lot about him and I'm not really ready for goodbye I guess.

If you're not getting anything worthwhile from the 'relationship' ... cut to the chase and tell him not to pop in, ever. Life is too short, you've already wasted 9 months on him xx

When are we ever ready for goodbyes what's happened to make you think it's over!

Could have any stuff he's left round at yours conveniently packed, and when he does come round greet him with a friendly smile, push the bundle into his arms and say "I assume you came round for these. It's been nice knowing you."

Then, of course, he will insist that nothing was further from his mind than breaking up. Even if it was.

Do not cry and beg. If it is goodbye say something like ... " thank you for letting me know, can I ask you to leave now please." NOTE no question mark on the end!

Don't ask to stay friends.

You make him leave quickly then you have a good cry once he's gone.

That's what I'd do.

Why do you think it's time to end it then, OP? I have a friend who has been in a relationship for about 5 years with a man who won't live with her. He says that if she moves in with him she can have 'the spare room' (she does a lot of craft stuff), but she hasn't wanted to do that. He's about 15 years older than her and has lived alone since he divorced about 17 years ago.

Sorry, posted too soon. Just wondering if there were similar issues - that you maybe felt he couldn't or wouldn't commit.

It all seems to be run on 'his' terms so far. Telephone him, tell him tonight isn't convenient for any popping and ask him what it was he was going to say. If it's 'you're dumped' it's far easier to put down the phone than open a door... If it's something else you haven't wasted the whole evening.

Thank you. I will pack up his bits and try to hold some dignity. It was my first relationship after leaving my husband and I guess I just think I'll never be good enough.

There's no point in being 'good enough' for someone to whom you're not suited though. I'm sure you are 'good enough' for loads of blokes, smelly scratchy oiks that they are. If it is 'goodbye', give him his stuff, let him leave, have a nip or two of brandy and get ready for the next chapter in your life. Which will, whether or not it features a man, be more fulfilling than being with someone who won't make plans to see you.

I hope so. I just wish that everything was good.

Awww! Good luck op

I don't understand what you're trying to say. Is your partner female?

No he's a man

No he's a man

Can you explain a little bit more OP? Only you're not really giving us much to go on.

We get on really well. We both have children from previous relationships. We enjoy the same hobbies. He texts everyday. But we see each other very little. And he won't decide when to meet up etc

If you tell him that you've had a great time with him but you are looking for something a bit more serious than he is clearly after then that gives him the opportunity to step up and make more effort or gives him an 'out' - if he takes the 'out' then he was looking for it anyway and gives you a chance to get over him and move on sooner than if he had just let it drag on.

Seconding what Ms23 said.

Yes, Ms23 is right. Just lay it on the line. You deserve more than crumbs if that's what you want.