dp and drinking

[Bobolbach]

I'll add more to this later when have time, but just wanted to get a quick measure of experiences from others who have heavy drinkers for partners.

Right, I'll add much more later but I've just noticed dp drank minimum of 12 cans cider last night / day and not visibly drunk.

He's away back to work offshore later today, so I'm going to tip out the recycling and see how much he's necked in one week. But however you dress it up, this is BAD.

How can anyone drink this much and not be falling down pissed?

They build up a tolerance by drinking heavily on a regular basis. Offshore workers usually don't have access to alcohol, do they?

No. Once offshore it's completely alcohol free.

Then I don't know how someone drinks that much and stays upright. Are they tested at work or could someone sneak booze on board? Either way, 12+ cans is far too much in one hit and, if it was to become a regular occurrence, he'd have a serious alcohol problem regardless of whether he was functioning, upright or flat out.

Was he actually any use during the week? Did he drive places, pitch in with housework, make pleasant conversation? Or was he miserable, out of it and sleeping all the time?

There is no chance of getting booze offshore. He always has trouble sleeping when he first goes away, but never admits it's due to lacknof alcohol.

I think because he can go for the time away without drinking, then he has no problem, but I KNOW if there was any drink there, it would be drunk iyswim.
He's not speaking to me at the moment as we had friends over for dinner on friday night and I got too pissed and took myself off to bed. I rarely drink so a few wines and I was plastered. Anyway, I have a vague memory of him pestering me for sex when he came to bed and I think I told him to bugger off.
So, after this he's basically been drinking. He has been outside a lot - chopping logs ffs! Basically hiding outside so he can drink and hide the evidence.
He's been very up and down with the dc. Varying between 'hey, hey I'm so much fun' and 'if you don't do what I say I'm going to start to smack you until you do do what you are told'. They are 8, 5 and 2 ffs. This particular rant started because ds (2) squished up a prawn cracker on the floor as he didn't want it.
so, no, he's been grumpy, sleepy generally an awful atmosphere.

Shit, someone's just arrived here. I'll come back on later

Doesn't sound very pleasant all round really. Threatening small children is pretty nasty stuff and I hope you told him he'd crossed a line. The fact that he can go away and not drink for a while is, unfortunately, not the benchmark for whether someone has alcohol problems. Binge-drinking, lone drinking, hiding booze are bad signs as is his general erratic behaviour.

What will he say if you tell him you've found all these cans and you think he's drinking too much?

I don't think he cares. Whenever I've brought it up it falls on deaf ears, or met with excuses such as 'if you kept the hpuse tidier or did such and such I wouldn't drink so much'.
Now I know this is all crap. He decides to drink and nothing I say or do will change that.

he's away this afternoon and has now gone back to bed as 'he's tired'. Bearing in mind I was in the process of stripping the bed as it stinks of booze. So on bare matress and no p illow or duvet covers.

Can't wait for him to go.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

I have to ask why you are actually together at all now given his ongoing issues with alcohol and the way he is with the children.

For 'tired' read 'pissed'? When you can't wait for them to go that's usually a bad sign. Be honest, would you rather he didn't come back?

If it was not for the fact that you now have three children, would you be together at all now?.

Staying solely for the childrens sake is rarely if ever a good idea as it then teaches them well skewed ideas about relationships.