insults during rows

[olliepop]

Does anyone ever call their dh insulting names (eg b*stard) during big rows and do you ever get called anything (eg cow/bitch)?

DH insulting me during rows makes me go all calm and chilly, because I know he's lost any high ground at that very point. I hate it but it snaps me into rationality. Have never thrown insults myself. Not my thing.

the problem with name-calling is that it turns an argument into a personal attack which automatically puts each person on the defensive and the actual thing/action/problem that started the argument is forgotten and not resolved - not hugely helpful.

yes that kinda the point - in a row - you say nasty stuff

if it was a discussion i wouldnt say nasty stuff

a row - is anger

theres a line though. theres some things one doesn't say - this would differ from couple to couple. but theres bounderies even in out anger

Only after 8 years of being together have I just started to sling in the odd word. I have to say I dont feel guilty about it. He gets sooooo smug sometimes, mr bighead who knows everything and I the little woman knows nothing it makes me see red, particularly when I have done him a favour and he says its not how he would of done it or he didnt ask me to do it. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Now I know how little children feel when they are not praised for good behaviour.

very good point coolmama

when dp over reacts about something which is always..he gets arsy and if i argue that he's wrong etc or tell him to go away, he says something personal and nasty to me, but after he said it once, when he did it last night i was prepared..i actually sat last time and thought about something that he is self consious about and although that sounds wicked i did!
so last night when he said his little remark to me i came back with a nasty tongue lashing for him(totally out of charicter!) and he was all nicy nicy and respectful this morning?..even came into our bed last night instead of spare room which is what id have done?..so its either the clam before the storm or he's realised i can be just as much of a tw*t as him

Know what you mean, Spots, about insults sort of shocking you into being rational. Occasionally my dh swears at me calls me horrible things, but although i hate to admit it, it does pretty much end the nastiness as i know that if he gets to that stage i must really have pushed him too far. In normal conversation or when irritated or even annoyed with me he doesn't swear or call me nasty things - it's only if things get vvv heated