Boss Crush

[Stupidgirl75]

I'm 37 my boss is 53, we have been working together (along with a small team) on a project for nearly a year. Background I was shat on by my partner of 10 years when he ran off with OW he wants to come back now but that's by the by.

I have a problem with my boss, I think he has a crush on me, which I don't want to encourage. I'm quite dim about these things and so wanted to ask your opinions!

He has set me above my colleagues, I attend senior management meetings with him when my colleagues don't, we have non stop banter together laughing and joking, we work in a open plan office and he always seems to be looking over at me smiling, he confides in me about confidential things at work which are out of my remit sometimes personal things about my colleagues, we work late together, he tells me about his children and things going on in his life.

He told me one day that he dreamt that I was leaving and called me as he was worried it was a sign that I was, he told of me of the whole team I'm his number one, another team wanted me work for them and there was great pressure from senior management but he refused to let me go.

We have been out after work once with one other colleague, where he gave a lift to my hotel and preceded to tell me how much he liked the music I did and started playing it loudly in the car. He's 53! The other time we went on a leaving do he was constantly smiling at me and when we ate sat next to me and talked to me all night ignoring everyone else, also at the bar he spoke to only me, so much so that my colleagues noticed. My close colleague says I'm his golden girl .A customer we work with has also picked up on it saying that I have a hold over him.

The only thing I have ever done is bring him a coffee each morning! I'm not particularly attractive and he is married I would never go there!

He is quite shy and so I don't think he would ever do or say anything overly sexy but worried that this might get out of control.

Am I imagining this? If not what do I do?

"we ate sat next to me and talked to me all night ignoring everyone else, also at the bar he spoke to only me", and the banter thing...

It seems to me that you have a choice in all this: in the first instance, you could have got up and mingled. And you don't have to spar verbally with him either.

While it's still manageable, why don't you take some control?

I think he is living a fantasy/delusion that you have mutual unspoken feelings, so he's not bothered to hide his feelings (showing rather than telling you). How do you react when he keeps smiling at you all day, or corners you for a talk at work dos? You could try consistently not responding (in a polite way), firstly don't keep looking at him across the desks, how else do you know he keeps smiling? try not to develop these conversations in front of colleagues, but excuse yourself and talk to others, say that you must to speak to X and Y. It will give him the message, otherwise you are just being friendly but he sees it as you going along with, and liking (!) all his efforts.

Option two is to speak to him gently but frankly, that this makes you uncomfotable and that you really are just his colleague and nothing else, that you don't want people to gossip when nothing is going on or going to ever happen. You probvably think this would be unkind but if you feel it's escalating, you have to act.

ha, a bit of a cross post!

Aside from anything he is doing outside work, if you wanted to move teams he cannot stop you. You go and see the other manager yourself and say " I want to move, x doesn't want me to. If I don't move teams I am going it look for another job. Offer me the role and I will take it"

There would be nothing your current boss could do to stop you. Making your life difficult anything - it would soon be over as you would move jobs.

All the other stuff- well, it sounds as though you are a willing participant! Although if you are already sharing confidences and encouraging him ( which is what it reads like to me) why don't you either a) tell him you see him as a friend and nothing more before he makes a fool of himself. B) tell him you have a new bf, do not discuss your personal life with him and gradually withdraw.

Lol at he's 53!! He likes music!!