Help me please, I'm in bits. I don't want him to leave

[Ruffcat]

I'm devasted, dp wants to leave me, I agreed to a trial separation last week, although we are still in the same house with our ds's.

I was doing ok, holding it together but now I just want to call and say don't leave. But we need space to work out what we both need, so I won't.

The relationship has had its ups and downs, I'm a sahm. I'm exhausted! They don't sleep very well. They are 3 and 18 months.

Dp says we don't have enough sex ( we don't ) it's been a long running theme in our relationship, and he can't live like this any more.

I feel like I've been treading on egg shells for the past few months at least and wondering what type of mood he will be in when he gets home, sometimes I'm confused as to what he expects of me as sometimes I can't win

I feel very lonely and alone I'm scared of being a single parent.

What a twat! Why the heck did he father two dc within two yrs if he wanted lots of sex?? You have to be stupid to think sex will be the same with a 3mnth old and a toddler unless you have an army of nannies! If sex is his priority above dc and love for his partner he shouldn't even have a family - it's just irresponsible!
Sorry for you, OP! don't beg. If you leave him be, he MAY come to his senses.

Sorry ds is 3 years

I really trying to hold my dignity, everything is falling apart

Poor you :( is the only issue lack of sex? With 2 young dcs who don't sleep it's not wonder you're not knocking boots every night!

You don't have sex any more because you're tired, you have two young children, and clearly your man is an arse.

Get angry!

He's a father! That should be his priority right now - not whinging that he's not getting enough. He sounds immature and if it were me, I'd be telling him to grow the fuck up!

How old is he out of interest?

You are best off without him.
I dont think he even wants to leave. He is using that to try and get more sex out of you!

And i bet you, you have considered it!
He should be understanding, he should be exhausted to - if he helps out that is.

Dont be scared of being a lone parent. There is plenty of support out there for you.

Everythong isnt falling apart. He is making you feel like it is - all so he can have more sex.

Hes not worth your time, thoughts or effort for making you feel like this .....over sex.

Honestly, tell him to grow the fuck up like havingastress said or tell him he can fuck off.

You dont need that!

He says we don't communicate anymore, that I just stuck my head in the sand and pretend everything's ok rather than talking about things.

It is true, I am resentful as I do everything, he works and works hard but so do I, I wash clean cook everything that goes hand in hand with children. So it pisses me off, so I harden up.

Everything* lol

What does he actually bring to the relationship? If nothing...its time to show him the door. You deserve better

If you are both young, then maybe he just needs a kick up the arse.
You know him best.
But sit and evaluate the whole relationship.
Write down a list of pros and cons and measure it all up.

Try talking to him. He may have some pent up issues that need addressed also.
If you dont communicate, then neither of you can help make it better

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, it does help.

Things used to be good, felt more equal when I was working, but becoming a sahm seems to have shifted things

We're not young by a long shot.

He has issues and I believe he I depressed but no amount off talking will get him to visit a doctor about it. He's just seems to have this anger (that's not the right word) just under the surface towards me.

Hmm...well i know there are a lot of men out there who think sahm do nothing.
So maybe he cannot understand why you are tired.
Maybe he feels like you sre just making excuses.

You really need to sit and have a serious conversation about how you are both feeling. Preferably without it developing into an arguement.

If he cannotcommunicate without anger. Then maybe you should just cut your losses. Is it really worth all of this, just because he isnt getting as much sex as he would like

So effectively he has gone off in a strop because he's deemed he's not getting enough sex, leaving a wife and two toddlers behind.

Wtf !!

He is an arse.

You deserve better.

It hurts I know. My now ex dh up and left me in the space of 2 weeks never to be seen or heard of again. Leaving me with 26k of debt having just been made redundant.

Years on I am now remarried and have another child as well as my dd.

You will be fine. I promise.

Having dc does change a lot and you do become different people.
I am sure that when he thinks about it properly he will realise what he stands to lose and be back.
I would use the time wisely to work out what you want.
You both need to get into a position where you are able to talk freely about how you feel, this isn't easy if you are both storing up resentment, point scoring, or not listening to the others point of view.
We were like this at the beginning OP and know many other families her were as well. I think its pretty normal, its just how you both handle it that will determine where you go from here.
If its any consolation many others I talk about are still together and me and dh have been married 21 years now, we survived it.

We've been together 15 years, I have a low libido.

If I had a new baby and a toddler who didnt sleep and a husband who acted like a stroppy kid who isnt getting enough sweets then I would have a low libido.

Have you ever explained to him that being exhausted, getting no support from him and being nagged about sex are all pretty much guaranteed to kill your libido stone dead?

I would suggest that the one thing that would wake it up a bit is finding someone else who treats you properly.

Is it that you don't want to be without him, or are scared of being on your own?