FFS dh just doesn't get it

[emkana]

that sometimes I don't want bl*dy solutions, just sympathy!
Came home from shopping to find that the freezer door hadn't been closed properly. Phoned dh to have a rant (and a cry - postnatal ) and instead of just saying "Sorry you're having a bad day" he gives me all crap about the freezer having needed a good clean-out anyway, and how I could just pop round to his parents to put stuff in their freezer... yeah sure, with ds screaming his head off and dd jumping around I'll just pop over...
is your dh/dp like this? Mine just doesn't do sympathy very well, even though he means well.

Yes - it's a man thing, I think. They have to provide a solution. Can be v annoying.

Mine's like this - thinks he can make things better by giving me solutions rather than sympathy. It's a man-think, I think ...

Great minds, WWB

emkana - apparently this is a common male trait, drives me mad too!

Ahhh yes but as soon as he says, "Ok, love, just let it all out. Poor you", you'll say "is that all you've got to say? what are you going to do about the poxy freezer then? I bet it was you who didn't close it in the first place!"

yup, practical not emotional....humph!

Read "Men are from Mars, WOmen are from Venus". It goes into exactly this difference!

Men think you are wanting a solution, whereas all you are wanting to do is to vent.

Man thing definitely. It's either offering impractical solutions or...

DH phoned on Sunday. Ds in the middle of a looooonnnnngggggg screaming tantrum DH should have been home 30 mins ago to take over so I could go and have a nap.
"I can get a corn snake and all the equipment in this shop for £100"
"NO NO NO NO NO" (me)
I personally do like snakes but we're so bloody skint at the minute it's not funny, it's my birthday coming up and I've deliberately chosen really cheap presents and postponed going out until the end of the month (to a cheap restaurant), I've been shopping in £1 shops for stuff and HE WANTS TO BUY A BLOODY SNAKE AND MAKES OUT I'M A MISERABLE BITCH FOR SAYING NO!!!!!

(phew. puff. pant...feel better for that)

That's what I LOVE about dh. He's so practical. I need it. I can do ranting for the both of us.

Ohhh mate - so with you on the solution thing, LOL.
The amount of times I've ranted to DP about something and wanted a shoulder and for him to say "there, there" and what he actually says is 'well it's ok isn't it, doesn't matter, x wasn't going to Y anyway" and so on.

Message withdrawn

That's what I was going to say.
Best girly mates know to go "oh no, mate how shit, ohhhhh bugger, what are going to do about that food, ohhhhh that's awful, what a pain, ohhhhhhhhhhh are you okayyyyyyyyyyyyy?"
Dh's just tell us what to do about it.

Way of the world mate.

Other than defrosted food, how are you?

Oh blimey he sounds like mine, this men they dont know how hard it is, i like they way they say "just pop here or there" yeah ok with a toddler & a baby its not that easy, it takes us an hour or more to even get ready to get over of the bloody house.

Sympathy for you here emkana

in defence of men ...

I think that they're neither sympathetic or empathic, they are practical. I think that the only way they know how to make it better is to give the solution to the problem. in their own way, they're doing what they think is the right thing for you . doesn't mean it's not frustrating though.

My husband is just the same - not very good at just listening - but how can they listen to a problem and not try to solve it!! It comes from a well meaning place and doesn't mean they don't care but I refrain from telling hubby things because he takes it everything personally and trys to suggest solutions and I get angry or upset at him for patronising me. I tell him this but he says he can't be expected to change, so I bottle things up and take it out on him by being grumpy - v healthy!!!

Have to say mines the same too. Usually you just want a rant and you've solved it yourself. I do just say to DH - just need a rant and for you to listen - which helps and he then doesn't try and give me solutions.

If I do need help solving something or a different point of view then I'll them him that before I vent as well.

It is such a man thing. Sometimes I explicitly tell dh that I need some sympathy before I let rip on the rant, so that he will know what I want and need. Fortunately he has read a couple of Women are From Venus-type books (though not that one), so he can be quite on the ball, even if he doesn't always get the wording of the sympathy right. Still, he tries .

Oh no... maybe it's a 'main provider' thing - not just a 'man' thing, 'cos I'm just like this! If dp's getting down or upset or fed up, I go straight into practical, sorting out mode - I hate seeing her upset so I go for problem solving... Drives her bonkers! I suppose I think the "there, there" thing is a given - of course I feel sad for her, but how are we going to fix it?!

Glad to see dh is not the only one!