Sunday moan

[RoverClover]

When my relationship started to get a bit underwhelming, too much working not enough time together, managing teenage children, etc I took the advice on here; spend some time together!
Been twice to the cinema - he's fallen asleep - both times (my film choice one, his film choice second)
Arranged a film night at home - he chose Lesbian Vampire Killers. I sat through it! My choice Tinker Tailor - he went out after falling asleep as he didn't know the story line.
We decided to go out for a meal, he forgot to book anywhere and we had chips sat in the car.
I booked a weekend away, and then found his 'packing' was a bunch of racy underwear (for me) and a porn DVD!
I sense our 'connection' is very small at the moment. Feeling a little sad really. Brave smile, crying inside at it all.

This does sound a sad situation. What does your husband feel about it all?

Maybe you're focusing too much on having to do something together. The film / DVD thing clearly isn't working so ditch that! It's ok to have different tastes in films. What if you just cooked a nice meal and chatted? Do you still get on well, make each other laugh etc? How did your weekend away go apart from the shagging bit? I wouldn't be delighted about the porn either but maybe he honestly thought you'd both enjoy it?

Have you tried simply talking? Over dinner at home perhaps.... distractions like TVs etc switched off? Teenagers sent to the cinema instead? You'll need some conversation starters to avoid awkward silences and for that can I recommend reminiscences? e.g when you first met, your first date, etc. Also recommend lots of strong coffee for Mr Sleepy..

Sad? Yes?

Fixable? Sounds like you both want to so that's fab.

Hubby and I are chalk and cheese but we've found a few things we both have in common but relationships do need a bit of work, a bit of compromise and a bit of loving that your partner is doing something they enjoy whilst they enjoy doing things that make you happy too, even if it's not them.

I hope you can work through it. Perhaps see it as dating and get to know one another just as you had to in the early days. That way it could be fun, rather than seen as sad.

Good luck

Coffee for Mr Sleepy made me smile - thanks.
The weekend away was nice for me, but I didn't do the whole sexy dressing part and there were a few sulks about it, so he said the weekend was a very expensive night away.
I'll relax about it all and see what happens, but I'm thinking it's a bit of a marked card at the moment. I'm more annoyed as I'm always the one suggesting anything. Got back about an hour ago to find tea cooking - great! But I think it's only a reaction as he's sensed my black mood today.

Fell asleep twice at the cinema - bless! Making time to talk is a good plan. Giving him positive feedback on the things he is trying - cooking and ... err, the other things, will be an ego boost for him and ultimately good for you.

Roverclover feeling fed up about making all the suggestions is something I touched on in another thread today. My hubby felt the same with me. He's our ideas man and I lack imagination and like more routine. Doesn't mean I don't very much his suggestion once I get into the swing if things, doesn't mean I don't care either.

Hubby and I are very different people and the key to our relationship has been in recognising and appreciating that both of us have something different to it. If we both bought the same thing their might be some toe treading going on. Having different specialities gives each if us the chance to shine. I hope that this could be so for you too if you want to make your relationship work.

Good luck.

Canyouexpand~this is a grown man the Op is referring to. Does he not realise how offensive his lack of effort is? Do you think he actually cares?

Sorry making the dinner isn't making an effort!

Shellywelly1973-probably not and probably respectively although impossible to be sure. Assuming the best rather than the worst is more likely to produce a positive outcome.

I spotted the other thread in Relationships about AS and was having a look through and so much rang true.

I think there is no effort made because he simply doesn't see that any effort needs to be made IF I'm not moaning or nagging.

It may be nothing - I will research the AS in partners more, if it seems likely then I will have to realise that nothing will change and once the distraction of children is gone I really will have to consider my life, because at the moment I am considering it alone and on nights like tonight it is looking a bloody sight better than the one I have now to be honest.