seperating and maintanence

[Stillcomingtoterms]

Hi,
Just a quicky.
Me and dh are splitting up and we've done the csa maintenance calculator which shows how much he has to give me.

He's going to pay this amount but does that mean that's all he has to give? Do you think I would be unfair to ask him to also help me out with the cost of additionl big costs e.g ds going on a rugby tour or school trips abroad?
Not sure how others go about sorting out the costs associated with the children when seperating.

Thanks in advance

No it doesn't, it is a guideline. You can agree whatever you both like and think is fair. If you are worried, then get it in writing that he will also pay for extra curricular stuff/ trips/ holidays too. Whatever you think he would have contributed if you hadn't have split up. They remain his children and his responability too, even if he is no longer married to their mother.

I regard the CSA number as a bare minimum for those who have to have their arm twisted. Work out something that meets your DCs' actual needs and is appropriate to your exH's income.

I paid more than what was needed and always chipped in for big expense/uniforms/trips etc.

It's not wrong to ask.

I don't think he is legally obliged to though so if you no longer get on then you may be unsuccesful.

That's what happened with my dad. The bare minimum he paid means bare minimum contact from us now he's a loaded fucker. The primary carer is so often screwed over.

He probably isnt bothered. I find if you are not into your kids enough to support them financially then you are really just not that into kids in general.

My cousin didn't get a penny off her ex for 16 years and he has shown little interest in his sons upbringing.

We started with the assumption that csa was the bare minimum. Other things like education costs such as trips etc were 50/50.

For the 'extra' stuff I think you'd need a legally sanctioned order if you have any doubt H would pay his share.

my DH pays the CSA amount for my DSD on the assumption that it is for day to day stuff. his ex then let's him know of anything else like school trips and we pay half, or when uniform time comes around we buy her school shoes or something like that.

My ex pays the CSA calculation and has very occasionally paid for additional educational expenses, when I've asked. He wouldn't offer to pay for any extras off his own back, because in his opinion I fleeced him in our divorce because I had 60% if the equity ( he earns three times my salary) and a tiny proportion of his very substantial pension.

No matter, he was financially abusive when we were married so I expected nothing more than the minimum.

If you are divorcing someone who doesn't see money as a tool to control their ex then hopefully you may have a happier outcome.

Thanks, it's amicable and he's told me he won't leave us short, but we had no idea how to calculate maintanence without using the csa tool. But then to me it didn't seem like much I would be getting considering I was under the impression that everything child related had to come from it.

H & I are separated. We used the CSA tool online to calculate maintenance. He offered to pay more, but realistically speaking, he is not a high earner and is struggling with a health condition, so I told him let's stick to the CSA amount and go from there. Generally, he pays the maintenance amount then spends extra money on the children throughout the month. For example, he paid the £15 needed for DS1's school panto trip coming up and bought both DCs pyjamas (2 prs each) this week as I had mentioned that DS2 was outgrowing some of his favourites. We've also agreed to buy Christmas gifts together and so far have been splitting the cost of whatever we buy. He'll be here from Christmas Eve into Christmas Day (overnight on the couch for him) so there'll be no "two separate Christmases" for them. He's also often pitched in money for extra treats, takeaway for a treat for them swimming lessons, clothing, and so on.

As long as things are amicable, I would think it would be okay. It's when things get nasty that money seems to be a real sticking point.

If you agree to split 'big' costs like optional school trips, bear in mind that, just like when you were a couple, discussion will need to take place about whether it is affordable for BOTH of you.

If your DCs Dad can't afford to cover half the cost of a trip, it's very tempting to tell the DCs it's their Dads fault that they can't go.

Still it might seem petty at the moment but I learnt the hard way that agreeing everything down to last pair of shoes is way to go.

Add up all the costs of the children, uniforms , holidays, school trips , winter coats,shoes etc then split it equally. Martin Lewis' moneysaving website has a good budget planner.

Also I suggest adding up all household expenses/ utilities & agreeing a proportion that the kids generate (ie 2 kids= 2/3 bills)

I have battled for years since we split, over extra contributions but because he does pay the minimum regularly,I have been loathe to persue legal channels.

bloomers presumably you take into account the child-related benefits that the resident household receives before you expect the NRP to pay half?
And who decides what "child related costs" are? One parent may consider Sky movies a necessity, the other not. Do you offset the child-related costs in the NRP home - such as higher housing costs to provide space for DCs to overnight, or do you accept that the DCs will be camping on the floor when they visit the NRP?

aliceinhell, what are you talking about? So you subscribe to a view that everyone should recieve benefits, therefore the government should pay for your children before you do?

dotty I'm referring to Child Benefit and Child Tax credits, which the RP will receive over and above their income.
The NRP does not have access to those - so it seems unreasonable to apply the 50:50 formula proposed without first offsetting those as available towards DC costs.

I have found it a lot easier to accept CM from DDs dad and then take full financial responsibility for her; it saves arguments. I pay for everything she needs (uniform, trips etc) within my budget - be that second hand, or saying no to trips I can't afford. If her Dad chooses to buy/pay for extras, that's up to him.

As others have said the CSA is the minimum. I calculated all the kids costs including their % of food, heating etc and it is way more than the CSA. I don't get any tax credits just child benefit. Luckily my STBXH has continued to pay above the CSA. Fingers crossed it continues. If he didn't I wouldn't manage.