Is this normal?

[ProtegeMoi]

I believe that couples need their own time, time apart etc. and doing your own thing is very important. Just not sure how normal this behaviour is.

I'm a full time student and a mother of 3 , one of whom is disabled, with a partner of 6 years (also female). My time is stretched as you can imagine and I juggle loads. The only time I get to relax is the evenings once all the kids are asleep, and as me and my girlfriend both lead busy lives it's generally the only time we get together uninterrupted by kids or guests.

Yet virtually every evening my girlfriend plays on the x box, which wouldn't be a huge issue in itself if we could still chat but she has a headset on meaning she can't hear me and spends all evening chatting to her online friends. If I try to speak to her I have to wait until half time, or the break between games as it can't be paused and I am limited as the game is starting again.

She does this most evenings from when the kids go to be until she herself goes to bed. If I ask her to spend some time with me she will but never off her own back. She will see me sat there and still play on the x box all night. I have stopped asking her to spend time together as it feels like she's doing it to stop an argument as opposed to because she wants to and she never initiates it.

I feel so lonely yet she's in the same room as me. Is this normal?

No, not normal. She's entitled to time doing her own thing but when it's every day, all the time, it's not fair on you or your relationship. Have you spoken to her about how it makes you feel?

Yeah we have spoken and she's always apologetic and says I know what she's like, she loses track of time and I should remind her to come off. She then carries on as she was before. I don't want to spend time with someone when I feel I have to make them so I just leave her to it.

I should add for fairness sake that she never plays it during the day, because the kids are around and she likes the call of duty games and so on. So the evening is the only time she gets to play.

I just don't think it needs to be almost every evening and I don't see why she can't play for an hour or so and come off. Generally it's at least 5 nights out of the 7.

There has been nights when she's still on it at 1am in the morning and I've gone bed alone, she's then tired the next day from being up so late.

Could she have slight addiction to her console or/and her online chats?

What foes she do during the day?

She doesn't work, hasn't done for years. I'm at college all day and she looks after the youngest. As far as I can see she plays the x box when little one naps but only then.

I do think its become an obsession / addiction. She always talks to the same people ( the clan) and knows them all by name. One at least has her phone number and vice versa.

After an argument about her adding these strangers to her Facebook account where they can see all personal info etc. she set up a second facebook account to be able to chat to these 'friends' and I know in the past there has been talk of meeting up.

All this while she hasn't seen her actual friends in a while, months for one particular friend.

Like with any addiction she would need to want to change and break it.

Does she sit down with you for a meal or coffee and talks? Or would she switch on her computer and her console as soon as she can hand over your youngest one to you?

I think it's an easy trap to fall into. I suspect a lot of couples have the same problem but don't recognize the fact because it's maybe a phone addiction or internet/social media addiction or mindless Telly watching without interacting with their partner.

The answer is to plan to do something else. Many people seem incapable of just sitting and doing nothing together, that there has to be an activity or purpose, or maybe they can't switch off. I'm similar. I like to chat with hubby, I'm not a mindless Telly watcher and I like to read lots, whether it's books, forums or internet if we aren't chatting. The exception to that is if we are snuggled up on the sofa in each other's arms, otherwise I'm always doing something whilst sitting.