DP only home at weekends

[Rosduk]

Just wondering if anyone else has a DH that works away in the week. DH starts his new job tomorrow and I am a SAHP with a 2 year old and 14 weeks pregnant.

I'm just nervous and not sure how we will cope but there were no jobs for him in our area.

Had anyone been in a similar situation? Any coping strategies??

OMG this is me! The house is like Fort Knox during the night when he is away and I notice I visibly relax when he is here. We live in a relatively crime-free area and still I jump at the slightest noise.I have got used to it though and quite like the run of the place
Try to get to know your neighbours. Go to toddler groups, try to meet other mums (eg through mumsnet local or others ).
Join local interest groups (there is a toddler walking group near us, for example).

You'll get used to it, I always felt safer when we had our lovely dog though.

I've done it on my own for years, kids are older now though 10 & 12. I don't even think about the being home alone safety aspect, doesn't often occur to me, but it used to at first.

It's hard. Hard on all concerned really, the kids miss him, he messes up my routines when he's back and I'm the tough one whereas he's the soft one, I suppose he doesn't want to be the disciplinarian when he comes back.

Get a good support network around you and have a few people you know you can call on in an emergency. Try and take some time for yourself in the week if at all possible.

Out of curiosity why can you not all move to where his new job is? If you have no job ties yourself? I know that DH and I both really look forward to the other one getting home when we are at home with the kids and I'd sacrifice quite a lot to have that every day kind of relationship with my DH.

That's a good question. With a 2 year old and no ties to school or work, why not move?

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP.

I've got a 10mo DD and DP has always worked away so never known anything different. There's a number of reasons why I haven't relocated to where his workplace is, so for now we muddle along.

He does manage to get home midweek though - not at all easy for him and generally only makes it in home just before DD goes to sleep, but it helps break up the week. A friend who lives in the next street has 2 DDs and her partner works away too so we try and support each other as much as possible.

Is it a temporary job or something that's likely to go on for years?

There are a few reasons why we would not consider moving at this point- He is only planning on doing the job for 2 years at most but if it looks as if he enjoys it and doesnt want to leave then I would move, but not until we know it's worthwhile.

We live in the south east and his job is in Scotland although it involves alot of worldwide travel so we would be moving away from all of our family and friends and support network that we have and half the time not have DH at home anyway.
We also lost our newborn son last nov and neither of us really want to move too far from the grave yet, although that may/will change in the years to come. I expect this pregnancy will be difficult emotionally and DH will be working such long hours anyway it would be quite lonely.

I was never particularly happy about him taking this job but it is such a good opportunity and a field that is so hard to get into I understand why he wants to do it. It will open many opportunities in our area once he is fully trained and has some experience under his belt...

Oh, Rosduk, sorry to hear about your baby. I know what you mean about not being ready to move far from the grave. We had a similar situation and it was a big consideration when moving. We are only 5 miles away and don't go back as often as before but it's still important to be near. Best wishes for a smooth transition to long-distance relationship.

Rosduk I remembered you from a couple of threads last year relating to the very sad loss of your baby - I'm so sorry.

I don't know if this would be of any help at all (and would only work if you had the space), but have you considered having an au pair, lodger or similar in order to provide some company and/or help with the children?

I had a childcare student from overseas stay for a few weeks over the summer (she was a childcare professional attending a summer school in the UK) and I provided host family accommodation (with a baby to practice on!). She wasn't under any obligation to help out as such, although she spent quite a lot of time playing with DD and looking after her while I did things around the house. It was also nice having some adult company during the week as we had all our meals together.

I guess today was your DH's first day in his new job? Did he get on ok, and are you coping ok so far?

You've already had such a lot to cope with - I'm sorry. Can you maybe agree between you that you'll trial it for say 6 months (or 3 - long enough at least that you'll start to feel a routine becoming established) and then review it?

My DH works away - has done for years - and now it just feels normal, but he has missed out on a load of big moments for the DCs and it's been hard for both of us. I don't think it's done our relationship any harm (we don't take each for granted, always have things to talk about), but my regrets would be around what the kids have missed and what he's missed of the kids.