Will try to make background as short as possible! Left ex about 6 years ago, taking my son with me, due to repeated abuse. I'm now married. Ex has another child, i'm not sure if he is still with the mother or not, it was after a one night stand. Ex and I have a very tempestuous relationship. He, and all his family, believe that I exaggerated the abuse, that it was my fault he now has a criminal record, and I "set him up" so I could leave. Contact is usually arranged through his parents as he generally uses phone calls to start on me about me being unfair and "kidnapping" his child, he has asserted several times that my son actually wants to live with him, and "the courts will make you hand him over to me to live where he belongs". I have always maintained that if my son genuinely does want to live with him then that is his right, but I don't think he does.
Anyway, after a recent contact session I informed him of what I had said in my post above, that if my son truly does want to live with him it won't be a matter for the courts, as neither of us could afford it and I wouldn't fight him needlessly even if we could. He suddenly changed his tune and agreed that it was my son's choice and he would be welcome to live there but it's up to him. I then texted him a few days later to tell him what we are getting my son for Christmas, so that we don't double up. He started teasing me about my poor texting skills, and then making pervy comments about the mental images he was having of me. I replied "ignoring that. How are things between you and x?" X being the mother of his child. He said "fine thanks"
Obviously can't be great if he's trying to sext his ex! He has form for this, when we were together I found him several times texting/messaging other women in an inappropriate manner. Each time he managed to turn the blame back on me, saying I wasn't attentive enough and he wanted to feel attractive, and if I hadn't broken up with him at the beginning of the relationship (I had cold feet and broke up with him, we got back together 6 months later and I moved in with him) then he wouldn't do it.
So, what the hell do I do with this? I want things to be civil with him because my son picks up on the tension between us. I never ever badmouth his father in front of him (though his father doesn't repay me the same courtesy) but when he's three inches from my face at handover, hissing and snarling about me kidnapping his child, it's not exactly subtle and I'm obviously shaken afterwards. I don't want "civil" to mean putting up with flirty texts from him, but I know if I flat out tell him to stop he will get nasty again. Help!