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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Exes at our wedding?

20 replies

WoollyNortherner · 15/11/2013 22:02

Hi all :)

This is my first thread, as I'm kind of new here.

My dp and I have 3 dc between us. I have 2 ds's (9&10) who live with us from my previous marriage and dp has 1 dd (7) who stays with us 3 days per week.

My dp dislikes my xh because he only sees the boys eow (if he can't think of an excuse not to) and doesn't pay anywhere near enough maintenance despite having a well paid job. I agree with him, but I really don't mind. I'd rather the dc were here with us anyway and although dp and I both only work part time, we manage.

I detest dp's xp because she is an awful person. She does the bare minimum as far as parenting goes. When with her mum, Dsd eats ready meals every night, school uniform is never washed or changed during the week, all her clothes are hand me downs and we have to buy uniforms, shoes, coats when needed as mum will just let her go without. We pay maintenance which mum just spends on herself, her two younger kids, her string of boyfriends and partying. I can't stand her.

Anyway, dp and I are getting married next summer and we don't want to invite our exes, but we think the dcs would like them there. The dcs have no idea that we don't like our xp's as I deal with my ex, dp deals with his ex and that way, everything is amicable (mostly, anyway).

Dsd has already expressed how much she can't wait to show her bridesmaid dress to her mum and siblings, and my ds's like to see their dad whenever they can, so I guess they'll expect him to be there.

What should we do? I don't even like to walk past dp's ex in the street, nevermind have her at my wedding and dp hates my xh's casual, uncaring approach to spending time with his kids. Awbu not wanting them there?

Please help... Oh and I'm sorry for getting a bit ranty there, in the middle... I really didn't mean to slate her, but it drives me mad how naff she is. she does hardly anything for dsd.

OP posts:
UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps · 15/11/2013 22:04

No just no! Unnecessary and awkward. Kids prob know more than you think. Don't bother.

bundaberg · 15/11/2013 22:06

i wouldn't invite them. i would explain to the children that normally, if you've been married before you don't invite those people to your new wedding or something along those lines.

TheNewSchmoo · 15/11/2013 22:06

It is your wedding. There is no reason at all to have your exes there.

eightandthreequarters · 15/11/2013 22:08

No, don't invite the ex-Ps.

RandomMess · 15/11/2013 22:09

Nope don't invite them, I get on very well with my exh still didn't invite him - just insensitive to do so.

WoollyNortherner · 15/11/2013 22:10

Thanks everyone. It seems a resounding NO is the answer, which is great!

Just really wanted to check I wasn't being unreasonable, really :)

OP posts:
Middleagedmotheroftwo · 15/11/2013 22:11

Don't be silly. Don't invite them. Recipe for disaster.
Btw, giving your kids second hand uniform and washing it once a week doesn't make you an awful mother. And loads of people eat only ready meals.

Philoslothy · 15/11/2013 22:13

If you get in with them have them there, DH ex wife as at ours . If you don't get on don't have them there

MirandaWest · 15/11/2013 22:17

I presume XH will get married again one day. I wouldn't anticipate getting invited (although knowing him, he probably would invite me). I'd hope to see some pictures of the children and would be nice to see DD in her bridesmaid dress, but that could happen at another time.

In your case, I wouldn't invite them.

ThePinkOcelot · 15/11/2013 22:18

No way!!! Don't even contemplate it!

itsmeisntit · 15/11/2013 22:19

No no and just to be sure no

Viviennemary · 15/11/2013 22:24

It's not a good idea unless you get on with your exes. And it looks as if you definitely don't. So absolutely no point whatsoever in inviting them. It's your day.

Giveatossagain · 15/11/2013 22:24

I will be the voice of dissent.
If you are civil and can cope with them being there invite the exes. My parents have 5 marriages between them and everyone went to everyone's subsequent weddings. Kind of for the sake of the kids and because life is too short and it's just one day... You and new do will be too busy to care too much on the day... But it is your day so if it's too stressful don't.

Sorry probably not much help really.

stickysausages · 15/11/2013 22:24

Hell no, keep it a happy day!

IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 15/11/2013 22:24

No. I wouldnt. No need to. The DC wont even care IMHO. They will be to busy having fun! Honestly, don't even consider it any more. Neither of you want either of them there. So there is your answer.

Congratulations btw! Wine

IAlwaysThought · 15/11/2013 22:29

Umm, I can't believe you have seriously considered this. Confused
It's a no brainer.

IAlwaysThought · 15/11/2013 22:29

Ps
Congrats Thanks

Mattissy · 15/11/2013 22:32

Over my dead body would dh's exw have been invited to my wedding, shudders!

Have the photographer take a photo if the children on their outfits and let them take them home to show their other parent.

eslteacher · 15/11/2013 23:05

DP and I are going to his ex's wedding next year. But we all like each other. In your case it doesn't seem worth it, since you don't all get on. Will the exes really expect invitations, do you think?

PrincessKitKat · 15/11/2013 23:21

The ghosts of relationships past floating round at your wedding?

And you don't even like them? Confused

No!

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