Do you ever feel like you have

[Rocklover]

I have been at home since my DD was born 18 months ago and I feel like I am no longer part of the human race. I am having problems in my marriage and this is making things worse, this weekend has been spent with my needs being put last. My DH is a teacher and used his parents evening as a reason for being extra tired which meant I got no lie in this weekend (we usually have one each). In fact he stayed in bed until 1pm on Sunday and then it was me (and my parents, we live together at the mo) running around doing all the cleaning ect whilst he just sat there oblivious. It was my Mums Birthday and she had spent most of the day cooking and she politely asked if he would make a coffee and he refuesed . Then I wanted to go to bed early as I was knackered and he decided he then wanted to use the PC (in our room), look for a letter he had lost and generally faff about, then 30 mins later decided he couldn't sleep and got up...needless to say I wasn't impressed! This morning he was going to his new job for an induction day (starts is Sept) and again I was directed to iron his shirt, cut tags off his new jacket, find him clean underwear etc, I asked him if he could quickly change DDs nappy whilst I did this and he refused, despite the fact he had over an hour to get ready!

The thing is my marriage is not terrible, but it is really not good, I seem to be the one making all the effort, he never suggests going out, but compalins when we don't (so I organise stuff). Always gets moody when things aren't going his way and is generally becoming very lazy again. I know I don't work, but surely I deserve someone to do something for me for a change! I am really low at the moment because of this and other things (not being able to drive and having to leave uni in Jan for finacial reasons). I love my DD to pieces and she is the best thing I have ever done, but I am beginning to feel that I have wasted my life up until now and want to change. I have to get a job in Aug so that will help, but I really don't want to resent DH for the rest of my life. I am in such a mess, BTW, DH and I cannot afford counselling at present and I am not sure he would go anyway. Do other Mums feel this way?

That should read do you ever feel like you have "lost" yourself? Oops!!!

Rocklover he is behaving like a spoiled child and not only disrespecting you but disrespecting your parents. He would be in big big trouble if he behaved like that in my house. What do they think of his attitude?

My DH sounds similar to yours, he is the breadwinner whilst I am a SAHM. He delegates all the jobs he doesnt like to me and generally treats me like his PA.
Before we had 3 children we both worked and had a pretty equal relationship. Since the children came along he doesnt even know his pin number for the bank (I do all that) Doesnt know how to top up his mobile (I do all that) and basicly has me running all over aranging any appointments for Drs, Dentist etc... Now and again when he says to me "Spangles do us a favour, nip upstairs and get me wallet out of me jeans pocket I remind him that his legs work just as well as mine and then he realises just what he's doing. Dont be a mug and tell him to iron his own shirt/ cut tags off his jacket himself and tell him to stop treating you like a dogs body.
No other advice I'm afraid...hope you get sorted

I did feel like this - to stop it I went out and enroled at college on free courses, I organised for me and dd to go out an d do things and told dh I was at home to look after teh baby not fetch and carry for him

My Mum and Dad are getting a bit fed up with him as he very rarely helps (except to help tidy up if we have a viewing as the house is on the market). He is blind in one eye and has poor sight in the other and has told me that he cannot see the creases properly to iron (now he seemed to manage when I was staying here whilst he sold our house ! To be honest when we were both working, even though I had longer hours I always had to do all the cooking, washing, ironing and most of the cleaning, I was commuting and left before him and got back after him (he would usually be asleep in the chair). I guess that he has always been like this but now it is beginning to grate big time, last year was really bad as he didn't cope with DD's arrival at all and I wasn't working so finances went awol and we decided to sell our way too expensive house. TBH my gut instinct for the last 4 months or so is to leave, but I would feel far to guilty about my DD, but I don't know how to make this better and fall in love with him again. Fell like my life is over.

Have you told him how you feel? And has he tried to change?

I think saying no to your mum to make coffee and not even change a nappy is totally out of order. his butt would get seriously kicked in my house!

can your mum and dad have a word with him? or would it make things worse?

It would make things worse. Worst thing is we are all supposed to be buying a house together and naturally I am slightly worried (as are my parents) as I just can't look into the future at the moment.

It is no use speaking to him about this type of stuff as he just doesn't register he is doing it. I just feel that he is a very selfish being....right now he is talking about his day at his new school...hasn't even noticed I'm barely talking to him. Keeps going on about how tired he is!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR