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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't think I love him anymore, I don't know what to do

6 replies

Charlielj · 14/11/2013 06:35

My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 7 and have 2 children, 5 and 2. I guess since the first was born i have started to find his behaviour increasingly selfish and intolerable, I just didn't really notice before we were parents. He would regularly go out after work without phoning to let me know, and come home drunk. Often he would just not come home at all. No real explanation as to where he had been or why he hasn't let me know he wasnt dead in a ditch somewhere. A week before our 2 year old was born he went out, stayed out all night and when I was distraught in the morning when he came home he just went straight back out again for pub opening time. I guess I remember this as I felt so vulnerable. There have been too many occasions to count. This summer he took a new job, without consulting me, which means he works nights and weekends and has even less time at home. He did precious little with the children as it was. I was very upset and angry about this decision and he said he was taking it and that was it. When I protested he screamed in my face and pushed me across the kitchen where I banged my head off the boiler. He has started to tell me I am not mentally fit to look after the children (I take anti depressants) and be increasingly verbally abusive . I just don't think I love him anymore. I have asked him to leave and he refuses. I can't leave, I have no money of my own and no family near enough where I can go and stay. I am not leaving my children. What do I do??!! I feel so trapped.

OP posts:
MummyBeerest · 14/11/2013 06:41

Go far.

If family is farther away, go to them.

Go as soon as possible. You and your children deserve better.

17leftfeet · 14/11/2013 06:50

I think the first thing you need to do is accept you are in an abusive relationship

This is not about whether you love him or not

Contact women's aid or your family -there is support out there and money will sort itself out, there is a lot of help out there

Towards the end of my relationship I suffered quite badly with depression -2 months after ltb I was off my medication and it was clear what had caused my depression

You need to do what is right for you and your dcs and carrying on as you are clearly isn't the best thing for any of you

It will be hard but you can do it and 6 months down the line you will wonder why you didn't do it months/years ago

something2say · 14/11/2013 07:17

If he ever assaults you again, ring the police. X
Whose house do you live in?
For that matter, which country?
It sounds to me like you need some legal and practical advice x
And maybe start being happy when he is out. It will give you space xx

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 14/11/2013 07:36

Please ring Women's Aid and get some practical advice on how to rescue your children, and yourself, from this awful situation.

There is nothing you can do to salvage it.

JanieO7 · 14/11/2013 07:41

You should have rang the police they take domestic violence extremely seriously and they would have locked him up for the night.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/11/2013 08:44

Definitely call Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 and take their advice on how to get yourself and your DCs away and safe. You're experiencing domestic violence and, when someone crosses that line, you can't take any chances. Living in such fear is probably a big factor in why you need anti-depressants. 'Love' doesn't come into it.

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