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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The logistics of leaving someone when you work.

34 replies

bordellosboheme · 13/11/2013 20:07

How do you leave someone when you have nowhere to go and have to work in the morning? Dp is a moody git and had said he doesn't want me home (his house). Where can I go without disrupting my work life which I rely on for independence??

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 14/11/2013 09:34

If you've spent a sizeable amount of money on improving a property you share with someone as a cohabitant, then you may be able to argue the intention was that you gained a share of the equity - this is known as a resulting trust. I'm afraid bills, food etc don't mean much, but paying for substantial home improvements do. As he is saying he won't pay you while you live there, presumably because while there it's your house as well so why shouldn't you fork out for it, then what he's saying is that it's your house when costs come up but his if he wants shot of you. Charming.

See a solicitor. Seriously. I am not a lawyer and can't advise you, but I know enough to know you need legal advice on your position.

comemulledwinewithmoi · 14/11/2013 10:18

How's it going op?

bordellosboheme · 14/11/2013 12:33

Mistallchuckingfrightly Grin

OP posts:
bordellosboheme · 14/11/2013 12:37

I love you people. Thank you for the sage advice. I'm on the train now on the way back there. I have to be in work tomorrow and it's the only place I can stay. He will be at work until thus eve. Will update then

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 14/11/2013 12:49

When you go to work, talk to your boss privately, say you are in the middle of ending your relationship and might need to take some leave to sort this out as you'll be homeless with a small child. You can ask them to keep it private beyond that, it doesn't need to be public knowledge until you're ready to tell people.

Do you have any savings to yourself? Could you afford to rent somewhere and live on your income near enough to work? What about your DS, do you have childcare arrangements that rely on your 'D'P to do pick up/drop off? If not, get sorted about moving. There's help out there for single parents and it doesn't matter how 'stingy' he is, he will have to pay maintenance. (CSA is easy to contact).

To me, it sounds like your DP doesn't like you, but he recognises you and your DS are a package, he's putting up with you to keep his DS under his roof, but doesn't actually feel the need to hide the fact he doesn't want you. I don't know any couple who've stayed together for the DCs actually make it work in the long term, and in the short term, most are at least polite (if cold), he's not even bothering to do that.

Take some time off work, get your own flat sorted (you can always apply for a council property, but if you can afford to privately rent, that would be a lot quicker, most are empty when advertised so you could move within a couple of weeks). Tell tosspot you're leaving, if he's not civil between now and you going, go stay at your mums and tell work you need more time.

bordellosboheme · 14/11/2013 15:09

Wow rental prices around here are high but I could just about manage I think. I have some savings. I have 2 dogs so the rental would need to allow dogs. I think I would have to arrange rental in secret to avoid confrontation.....

OP posts:
Olddear · 14/11/2013 16:08

Get a good lawyer.
Speak to your boss to arrange leave.
If you need to tell your colleagues (I am also a very private person) tell them your relationship has ended and the subject is not up for discussion right now (knowing it never will be!)
And remember ' this too will pass' x

DontmindifIdo · 14/11/2013 18:02

if need be, would your mum take the dogs? Just if you can't find a rental that will take them...

Shellywelly1973 · 15/11/2013 09:51

How are you doing today op?

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