How to stay sane until I can leave

[Changethename]

I have NC for this as I post a lot and don't want to out myself.
I will keep details brief for same reason.

DH does nothing. Since the birth of our second child 4 months ago I have really woken up to the abusive, lazy, crazy ways of DH.

He does thing around the house. I have had PND and he tells me constantly that I am crazy, a bad mum because I rise to his constant rudeness.

For example, last night he washed up, for the first time in over a month. I had left it for a couple of days as I was so pissed off and wanted to see if he would do it.

Becomes upstairs in a foul mood because it took him an hour.
I said 'gosh, sorry, I didn't realise there was so much'!
He replies 'so what are you trying to say, I'm slow?? I don't do it for your fucking thanks' on and on.

How do you reason with that??

He constantly goads me, tells me I'm being distant - barking at me 'why are you being so fucking cold? What's wrong with you, why are you being like this' in front of the children when I'm just watching tv, exhausted from lack of sleep.

I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of him but I can't go yet.

I've tried to talk to him but he just says it's all me.

There is so much more besides.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

Some days, if it wasn't for my children I think I would have just ended it all, I feel so trapped.

I'm so depressed, I never imagined my life would be like this. The old me would never have stood for this shit.

You'll be energized as the fog lifts. Good luck with reclaiming your life.

I really hope so.

I'm just so devastated - I so wanted my children to grow up in a happy family environment - not like this and I did love him once, I can't believe it has come to this.

Why do you have to wait to leave?

Do you even have to leave? Can you ask/tell him to leave instead?

Wouldn't it be nice to have a lovely Christmas with you and the children with peace and no arguing and you much happier?

I also wonder why you don't tell him to leave. He's not bringing anything to the party, his behaviour is probably at the root of your PND and I can't see what the benefit is to you of putting off the inevitable.

One of the children isn't mine but I've raised him all his life.

So I can't leave, he won't leave.

I don't want to leave the eldest but I think I will have to, but I need to wait until I have the money together to get somewhere else whilst we put the house on the market etc.

He won't let me take the eldest even though I desperately want to.

It's such a horrible situation.

How are you doing Change?

I'm ok. I feel liberated.
I have started putting the feelers out about housing although I'm not sure qhat happens about the house? (mortgaged) as I couldn't afford my mortgage contribution and rent but can't hang ab out until it sells - I will have to leave tge day I tell him.

It's very confusing.

Are you named on the mortgage then? If not I would just go.
I'm glad you feel better and you've made some enquiries about housing.
Keep the momentum going now.
Women's Aid may be able to give advice on what to do about the mortgage/rent side of things, you won't be the only person that will be in this situation.
You sound much more positive!

Yes, it's a joint mortgage otherwise I would have been off! I am on MAT leave too so would like to wait until I, back at work getting paid.

Is there any possiblity that your stepchild could be considered a child of the family, and that a court would order contact if necessary?

Yes, absolutely. If he stops me seeing him I will go down that route.

I think it will be a massive upheaval either way, I'm all he has known really.