Help me please wise mumsnetters, I am too tired to work this one out for myself!

[troubledandstrifed]

I've changed my name for this post because I know some mnetters in RL

I had a baby 3 weeks ago and am predictably exhausted. dh has occasionally been sleeping in the spare room as he's back at work now and it seems sensible that he gets rest. On saturday morning I logged on to our computer (in the spare room) and saw that the last site visited was a 'hardcore teen porn' one. I appreciate that we're not having sex at the moment (and our sex life hasn't exactly been hot for a while) and I'm not massively annoyed about him looking at porn per se. However, I'm niggled by the fact that

a) it was a 'teen' porn thing (on closer inspection there was a disclaimer saying that all models were over 18, but still..
b) he left it on the computer, fairly obvious I'd discover it since I use the pc every day
c) I've just had a baby, he's in the spare room for rest, it feels wrong he's looking at this now

I haven't confronted him about it because I'm too tired and can't face an argument, plus I'm not sure whether I'm right to be annoyed. I am however finding it impossible to look him in the eye and he's noticed. What do you think, please be honest?

Thanks

I can truly say I wouldn't get too upset about it, OK it was teen porn, but not children IYKWIM and it is possible that he was looking at photos on something like Google and it just happened to be on a teen website?

God I sound like such a porn expert - I'm not

I don't think you are being unreasonable by being upset, I just wouldn't bother making an issue of it. If it DOES both YOU, however, then get it out in the open, you've got enough to deal with right now without having this festering away inside you!

xx

Sometimes (and im not excusing at all) there are pop ups that appear and very difficult to find the Close button - so you have to click on it to make it disappear - its just a thought and i think it would record it as a visited site - not 100% sure but i thought i would add. I have no pop up thing on my computer but yet i still get them!!!! Bloody annoying

I would be upset/angry - however porn is not a part of our relationship and it never has been.

Just to add - porn isn't part of our relationship either

Just talk to him about it, ask him to be more discreet. And give yourself a break, you have a small baby, you are not in a position to be having sex and maybe he just wanted a bit of relief. Not pleasant but not the end of the world either, don't stress too much about it.

I would be upset and angry but remember you have just had a baby, so whatever you are feeling will be magnifed 100 times! Take carexxx

TBH I'd be pissed off just for the fact he was in the spare room to get rest for work not to be looking at porn enjoying himself whilst you were up god knows how many times a night, this would peeve me the most.

i would mention it in a non-confrontational way. in the aftermath of the birth everthing seems a lot worse than it actually is. i wouldn't be happy about it, but i'd cut him some slack in that you've both had a major life-changing experience and he needed a release. i'd ask him to be more discreet because it upsets you.

if he has noticed - take him to the computer - show him the site and say - I was a bit miffed to find that on the computer this morning - not sure how to take it.

And take it from there.

thank you to all for your responses.

i think i need to mention it to him as it is bothering me but i don't need to make a massive issue of it. thanks

I think I'd be bothered by the implication that while you are sacrificing your sleep in order that he has a full nights sleep, he is messing around on the internet. If he doesn't need the sleep he should be helping with the baby.

Not a huge issue and as has been said things are magnified in those first few weeks but still irksome.