Birthday: feeling so low

[maparole]

I don't need any answers to this, just wanted to moan on a bit and get it out of my system.

I have recently managed to escape from an abusive husband, which I do not and will never regret for one second (except wish I had done it sooner). Today is my birthday and I have hit a terrible downer. I am 49 and looking around at what an almighty mess I have made of things: no home, no job, no money, no friends because ex alienated them all [my very best friend, who stuck it out much longer than the rest, I finally fell out with a couple of years ago because she criticised ex and I stood up for him ... how ironic is that?]. My family is only really my Mum (Dad dead some years ago, brother far away, sister I am not close to).

The only worthwhile thing I have achieved - and I accept it is a huge worthwhile thing - is my wonderful ds. Even there, I feel I failed him badly by not getting out sooner.

The feisty, beautiful, spunky and funny young woman I used to be has been replaced by a fat, grey, boring lump. I know what I need to do to get my life back on track, but the list is so long it's a bit overwhelming.

The only way is up! I was a grey lump a few years ago but in my boss's words I have blossomed. Like you I got out with DC. Long time ago now and, food for thought, am so, so happy to be free and single. Small steps maparole - you have already taken the largest one. 49 is the new 35...

You've all given me a huge boost!

I may not be able to get the "young" back again, but the rest I reckon I can manage :)

You certainly can :)
Happy birthday!

Well done, happy birthday and just keep going- baby steps!

See it as your new birthday, the birth of a new you. You've done great and you probably have another 40 years ahead of you, write down all the things you want to do and achieve and start planning.

You have given yourself the best possible present by leaving your ex.
Hope you have had a very good day. Here's to a happy future with DS.

Happy birthday, look forward and not back x

Your post gave me a lump in my throat.
Congratulations
And happy birthday
You have the rest of your Life ahead of you x

Wow, OP, you could be me!

I'm 40 today and I feel exactly the same. My ltr ended 8 months ago (dumped by ex after 19 years) and now me and 3 dc live in a rented house and I'm having to sign on and apply for the shittiest jobs in the world.

I feel like when my life should have been together, by this point, it's actually all fallen apart and I'm starting over. I also feel like a lump, who's naturally going to be alone for the rest of my life (who wants a fat, forty-something with three kids?), while my ex is now able to start over as he pleases. I'll probably never be on the property ladder again and I haven't worked in almost 9 years so my CV looks worthless.

Glad you're feeling better though - onwards and upwards, eh?

Young is over rated anyway

I love your attitude. I wish you Godspeed.

I left an abusive relationship 8 years ago. It took time but my feisty, fun, bright clothes wearing, laughing loudly inner 20 YO came back. I dyed my hair to the colour it was and just started back where I stopped, just doing the things I used to love doing. I found out I still love them. I am bit a lot older than the rest of my sports team

My DAunt was so inspired she left her EA husband. She's 65 and having a ball a couple of years on.

In the first year or two I relied on a list of things I wanted to achieve to force me to do stuff.

I had the same with a couple of friends. I used FB to get back in touch and then travelled 200 miles to get pissed with them. I'm glad I did, it felt like I closed a gap in my life even though we aren't dead close.

Happy Birthday. Be feisty and gloriously inappropriate for your age dude.