Just let down by yet another man...so sad

[djg1967]

My husband left six years ago after an affair with a woman at work. I was devastated - but am well over it & live quite happily with my two kids (17 & 12)
I have plenty of lovely friends, a good job, a nice house, have just finished an OU degree - and really am quite happy in my own skin.

I would however like to meet a nice man - nothing unusual in that - is there?

Since my seperation, I met the first chap at a school reunion in 2008. I'd adored him as a teenager & was over the moon when we met online accidentally. Had three dates & then he strung me along, cancelling at the last minute several times until I discovered he'd actually gone back to the mother of his daughter that he told me had long gone.

I was a bit bruised by that, but moved on...

Following year, met another 'nice' chap - this time, he told me that he didn't like taking girlfriends to his house as he'd been stalked once before - turned out that actually, he had a long-term girlfriend living in it. Moved on again....chalked it up to experience & added 'if they don't let you near their house they are up to something' to my 'Red-Flag' list.

2010 - started dating the brother of a friend. Lovely chap, single dad - but lived miles away & didn't drive. Limped on for a while but gave up in the end as I never saw him & he spent his whole life watching his son play football & thinking he would be the next Rooney.

Fast forward to 2013 - and a friend recommended a builder who lived just up the road. He came round, we chatted for ages. Same thing the following week. His wife had been unfaitful & he'd been on his own for four years. He dropped loads of hints about going out so in the end I invited him over for dinner. He was supposed to be coming over this weekend. So this evening I sent him a quick text confirming that he was still OK & he replied to say he was really sorry, but had met somebody else last week totally out of the blue - a teacher at his sons school who he'd liked for ages but assumed she was still married as she wears a wedding ring !! I phoned him thinking he was joking - and he seemed really surprised that I was put out...and said he didn't realise/think he'd hurt my feelings!!

I feel really low now - on the two occasions he'd been over to work, we probably spent about four hours just chatting - he even asked me what star sign I was and told me that we were compatible - he kept complimenting me, and had followed up his last visit with a text to tell me what a nice woman I was.

What the hell am I doing wrong???? At this rate I think I'm just going to be old and lonely :(

I don't think you gave yourself enough time to be just you, to learn to love the you of today.

With the exception of Mr live-inGF all the others are people you have had recommended, or kind of pushed your way.

It seems to me like you are waiting to be chosen.

You have to choose yourself first.

I think a bit of time to value the fabulous woman you are, to accept yourself as good enough for you, and for everyone would give you the 'forcefield' that protects us from chancers and neer-do-wells.

Invest in you. You're better than this. Believe it!

Emotionally unavailable.

That's it. All of them.

You are still scared of being hurt.

That's ok.

When you allow yourself to remember that you have been devastated/broadsided, but you did survive.

Did more than just survive actually, you're kicking arse girl!

Give yourself credit. You can handle anything that comes your way.

I am really sorry he let you down,it's a good job you had the foresight to check the arrangement was still on otherwise you might have been sitting waiting for him to turn up.
You sound really nice and I hope someone comes in to your life soon.

Looking on the positive side,builders never turn up when you want them to and when they do they leave a mess!!!

I don't think you're going wrong anywhere except to assume these men are decent and finding - as is so often the case - that they fall well short. At least you're learning from the experience. You say the builder didn't realise he'd hurt your feelings. Do you tell these jokers how pissed off you are? (And didn't you want to turn up at Mr 'I've Been Stalked's house and blow his cover story!?)

It sounds like the Lottery out there in dating land, the odd few hit the jackpot first time,whilst others painstakingly try & try,but never get the numbers to drop in to place. It doesn't sound as though you are doing anything wrong, just that the men you have had,come your way,have not been upfront about themselves .Good luck for your future tries at, man lotto. Don't forget ,"you have to be in it, to Win it"

You are just a very nice lady - but, don't be asking me to your home for dinner in the early stages - let them woo you, take you out for dinner or a drink, let them make the effort.

I would've had sirens going off with the first guy and not being able to go to his place - but then I am a very sceptical person and hate someone putting one over me.

Be nice as you are but don't give too much is all I could say.